My brain is frazzled so I have almost lost my impetus on the wedding thread. I am sitting here with my coffee, listening to the birds sing trying to regain my focus.

The wedding went off with barely a hitch. Rach, one of my fellow bridesmaids, felt a bit faint...and don't you know...we never once thought about pulling out the smelling salts that Smug searched high & low for and finally found! I have never been to or been in a Catholic wedding (which is kind of strange considering most of my relatives are Catholic). I was told this was the short ceremony....it was an interesting experience and of course, a beautiful ceremony. I cried when they said their vows. We took lots of interesting bridal party photos when the wedding was over. Smug got the most fantabulous photographers. They did a shot of Smug-Hub reclining on the steps with all of us bridesmaids reclining around him...like he was a Sultan or something and they did a similar shot with Smug and the groomsmen. I don't have any good shots of those to share sadly! We finally made it to the limo....the air was not working in it so we were all pretty damn hot when we made it to the reception hall....here is a couple of pics from inside the limo (I lifted these photos from Snarky's photoblog):


The reception was a blast! I was never short of pleasant dinner companions or dance partners. The groomsmen all insisted that I need to come out to NM with Smug & Smug-Hub when they go out next. They said they had lots of places they would love to show me. I don't know if that was one of those idle invitations that is not meant to be accepted or not. All four of the groomsmen kept bringing it up though: come to our family celebration at the ranch or come for the hot air balloon festival....I know if the invite is genuine...this girl is going!

Adam is Smug-Hub's best friend and honorary brother. Extremely nice looking. We really did not talk much until the reception. Marc, another of the Smug b-i-l team, pulled me aside and showed me a picture of a guy with no shirt on, a tie, and tight pants. I could not see the face, but the body was definitely intriguing. I asked who it was and he said it was Adam. He changed the angle of the camera so I could see Adam's face more clearly. I said I definitely wanted a copy of that picture and that Adam was HAWT! Marc called over to Adam and said "Hey buddy, she really likes this picture of you from last night and she wants a copy. She thinks you're hot." He then led me over to Adam and Adam & I started talking. Then we danced (got some good dirty dancing moves--this quiet Adam does indeed have) and we sat and talked and talked and talked. We mainly discussed my marriage and his previous relationship of six years. He was a gentleman to his toes (all the groomsmen were) and kept my wine glass full. I felt a spark. He is definitely the kind of man I am attracted to physically and he was able to hold intelligent conversation. When we danced...well, lets just say, I could feel his attraction. Marc took delight in snapping some photos of Adam & I dancing (that mean ole Marc still has not sent me copies of these photos!!!). Adam and I did not exchange phone numbers or email addresses and at some point we were commandeered elsewhere from each other.

Jadey came to pick me up at the reception so we could zoom to Charlotte, NC for a dance competition. I changed clothes and rounded up all my junk and headed out to the parking lot. I stopped to hug & say goodbye to all the groomsmen. Marc promised to keep in touch and send me photos. David said he was coming back in October and made me promise to hang with him when he comes. Evan was insistent that I not leave for Charlotte that night because they wanted me to come hang with them at the hotel. All of them were disappointed when I said I couldn't and they made me promise that next time we got together I would spend more time with them all. Adam, ah Adam....hmmm we hugged and made the usual polite, it was great to meet you chatter. Then he hugged me again and kissed me on the cheek. Trying very hard not to read too much into the double hug & kiss...but damn it is hard.

The guys were flying out of Raleigh the next day and I gave them different directions to get there. When I was halfway to Charlotte, I realized I gave them some bad road numbers, so I called the hotel to speak to David about it. I gave David the correct directions and we joked for a bit and said goodbye. The next morning Smug-Hub called me and gave me Evan's phone number because they had questions about my directions. I got Evan's cell, left my phone # and called Smug-Hub back. He then gave me Marc & David's cell #s. I left a message for David and finally got through to Marc. Ya know what? They didn't have any questions about my directions.....appears they just wanted to chat a bit.

I promised to reveal a picture of the guy I spent the most time with on the dance floor, the one whose heart I captured & truth be told--he captured mine too:

Meet my new sweetie! We spent quite a bit of time dancing together and his mother decided that he had fallen in love with me because he was never too far from me.

Labels: Smug's wedding

That my friends is a glimpse at my new 'do. I have been seeing pictures of Victoria Beckham's sexy short 'do and it resonated with me. I went with it. It is really short on the right side and in the back. I went really blonde--although with the lighting in the photo that is not real evident. I can't be like everyone else though and so I had my wonderful stylist add a streak of plum and some pale pink highlights on the left side. You can see it in the picture, but the colors really don't translate well. It is a very sexy sexy cut and frankly it stopped some traffic yesterday.

I did my usual Thursday decompressing by going to B&N and torturing Book Boy. I strolled around with my chai and settled on the DVD, 300 and the book, Shoe Addicts Anonymous. I then headed to the local chi-chi supermarket for a gourmet take out meal. I cruised on home and was preparing to sit down and eat said meal when there was a knock at my front door. I went to open it without looking through the peephole and there stood--Adorable. Yup, mr. gone missing for 6 months with nary a word Adorable. The first words out of his mouth "Damn girl, you are hot as ever. That hair is incredibly sexy too!"

I let him in like the gracious hostess I am. He told me he drove down to do some shopping and thought about me and decided to show up and say hi. He went on to remind me that he owed me dinner (ummm, yeah, 6 months ago dude). So I sit and chat with him awaiting a reason for the disappearing act. It was not forthcoming, but remembering a recent conversation with Utenzi, I really did not expect one. He said men like to pretend it didn't happen or some such nonsense, but he is right in both Anti-Engineer & Adorable's case. So I walk down with him to see his new Hummer (sweet!) while he got some beer out of it. Eventually, I went in the kitchen to get him another beer and he made the move. I knew it was going to happen and I was prepared for it. My plan was to enjoy the kiss and then kibosh the whole deal. It has been too long since I was kissed, since I had sex and the kibosh was quickly kiboshed.

We eventually went to the Mexican restaurant around the corner and the Mexi-mystique was in full force. Every guy in the restaurant except the cook came by the table to talk to me. One guy just kept repeating "you are so pretty" in Spanish. It was like he was in a trance. When he finally walked away, Adorable turned to me and said "What the hell are you doing to these men? Well, you are hot, can't blame them for not taking their eyes off you." It must have been my night because two of my guy-pals called me.......I was sending out sparks all across the globe I was soo hawt!

No plans on my part to see Adorable again. Not into the disappearing act. He finally admitted after much hemming & hawing that he had been seeing someone else. Whatever! Doesn't matter anymore. Being with him made me miss Lovah--god how strange is that???? Lovah set the platinum standard and frankly I don't think anyone will ever compare to him.

I have a date with Sci-Fi guy tonight. Not sure what we are doing.

Hope to get back to The Wedding of Smug posts tomorrow or tonight.

Labels: Sassy's new 'do heats up the night

Just got a voice mail from Anti-Engineer. He thanked me for the lovely evening and for being such a delightful hostess. He then complimented me on being the Goddess of Scrabble (I work hard on that title). The next comment was: "When you are ready to play Scrabble and beat me again, just call me as I would love to get together with you again."

So.....is this guy bi-polar? Regular whack-job? An amnesiac?

Smug did not want a bachelorette party, but we wanted to do something for her since she had done so much for us. We plotted and planned and came up with a special celebration. We decided to take her to the Star. The Star is a local attraction and it is a magical place at night because it shows are city in such a delightful way. Smug's sister, Snarky, got champagne and strawberries. We kidnapped Smug after our delightful rehearsal dinner and whisked her to the top of the mountain. In the neon glow of the star, we toasted to her happiness and nibbled lush sweet strawberries. It was the perfect end to the perfect day.



At last! The wedding day was here! Smug was calm and glowy and just a bit too sexy for her garter (tee hee--had to post that pic). Everything was on track and on schedule. Our bouquets were classically beautiful.


And the groom and groomsmen were very sharply dressed. I don't have a picture yet of them dressed to the 9's so I will post this one from the rehearsal(they still look yummy):


I was busy doing Smug's makeup so I did not have time to take pics of us girls getting gorgeous, but we all looked hawt! We finished our girly prep with time to spare and we headed upstairs to the vestibule to await the ceremony.

Labels: Smug's wedding

Men! I swear to a higher power that I think I am going to throw in the damn towel.

I canceled the date with Prof God and he actually was quite gracious about it. Unlike Trucker Dude who has turned into Stalker Dude. I told him I was not interested in seeing him after getting to know him a bit. Today, I get the following text message from this psycho: "So I guess you were just playing games from the start." Hmmm, lets think about this a minute: we exchanged some emails, we chatted a few times, we sent a few text messages, he called my voice mail once. There were no actual dates, no promises made so how in THE HELL was I playing a game??? Do these people not understand the concept of dating????

Then tonight (lets just cap off the damn day right), I had a date with Anti-Engineer. He came over to the apartment for pizza, beer, and a game of Scrabble. It was a nice evening and I had fun. I enjoy his company, he is attractive, smart & witty, but I just don't feel that zing. You know, that feeling you get: your breath catches in your throat when you see or think about the person, that inexorable urge to race through the day to be with that person, the desire to touch and be touched by that person. Zip, zero, nada--not there for me. So there I was, I had two beers and had to take a benadryl to deal with the copious amounts of pollen in the air, when he asks where we are headed....is this a conversation we even need to address at this point...can't we, for crying out loud, just enjoy the the time together and see where it leads naturally? Maybe, I just need some time, maybe the zing will come. Who knows? Why the rush??? So he tells me he is not giving me an ultimatum, but as he walked out the door he said it would be best not to see each other any more if I don't feel the spark.

Well, I am down to just an occasional flirtatious message from Canadian guy and Sci-Fi Guy wants to hang out this weekend....great--more "I am sorry, but I am not feeling the spark" conversation to be had.

Me thinkey me needs some sleep. I have a headache.

Labels: dating hell

Meet David (white shirt). He is Smug's youngest b-i-l. He escorted me down the aisle. In addition to being a lovely piece of eye candy, he is a big clown. Our first trial run down the aisle began with incident: he accidentally elbowed one of the girls and almost knocked me over. He was horrified! I looked him in the eye and said, "You do that again, I will have to hurt you" and then I started laughing. He started laughing too. We joked about it all the way up the aisle. When we got to his brothers he told them what he did & what I said. He declared that he liked my style and his brothers quickly agreed.

David & I managed to get through the 2nd run up the aisle with no incident, but at the rehearsal dinner he knocked his keys into the girls. At which point I declared war...told him he did that at the wedding and his "boys" were in for a sharp jab. His brothers overheard the conversation and begged me to please do that anyway. They said they would pay money to see him go down on the walk back up the aisle. Needless to say, this was a running joke between us all at the wedding. David managed to behave himself; although, I think it was tough.



I helped Smug put together a scrapbook as a groom's gift. This is Chris looking at his gift surrounded by his brothers. Everyone loved Smug's gift! It was definitely the hit of the evening.



Well, much more to write about: the wedding, reception & I will reveal the man that captured Sassy's attention the most at the reception. You are in for a treat!

Labels: Smug's wedding

Labels: Smug's wedding

I am fall-on-my-face freakin' tired so this is going to be very brief: I had a blast! Picture all the groomsmen being nice looking AND single (Smug, I owe ya a big one!), Sassy being the only single girl in the bridal party.....yes! Pictures, stories and laughs to follow sometime tomorrow!

*Sassy twirls off to bed to dream of tall dark n handsome men from New Mexico (of course, dammit!)*

Labels: Smug's wedding

Professor God had to reschedule this week's date. He was most gracious and apologetic. Grrr...I was really hoping that he was miffed that I was NOT impressed by the fact that he drives a brand new Lexus and furnished his new place with furniture purchased at a very expensive store nearby.

Instead, I get this e-card from him:




The message that accompanied the card stated that he really felt like this (dazed/confused/in love?). I was telling a male friend of mine that I seem to inspire LTR (long term romance) thoughts in over half the men I meet and I just don't get it. He thought for a long moment and replied that he could understand why these men fancy themselves in love with me--that I have a terrific, caring personality and I am pretty to boot.

Who knows? Maybe I just attract a desperate sort of man. It is a pretty even split between the guys ready to propose without a date and those strictly looking for a booty call. I find both extremes very annoying. That is why I find Canadian Guy so refreshing...he doesn't want either. We just enjoy goofing around online and on the phone. It is lighthearted and fun; which is just what the Sassydoctor ordered.

Labels: dating

I was given a Lolita martini glass for xmas last year. It is called the Glamourtini and it is pictured to the left. It is handpainted with little black dresses and shoes. I really love these glasses and there is a whole line of them. Lolita has branched into other drink glass designs like margarita, wine and champagne glasses. She has a really cool New Year's Eve flute set I would love to get my hands on.

I had some extra spending money from selling a textbook and I found a couple on Ebay:

This is called the Red Panty-tini (ooh la la!)



Obviously, this one is the leopard-tini (reow baby). I had to get it!!!! I love the leopard as anyone who has been to my kewl apartment can attest to.


This interesting little design is called the Flirtini. It has a retro look that I adore. I love the lip prints on the base!


These adorable glasses come in a hat box and include a recipe based on the name. I cannot wait to try the Leopardtini recipe!

I hope she will come out with a line of mojito glasses! Utenzi sent me a pineapple mojito recipe that I am dying to try. Now if I could just convince him that real mint leaves are necessary for mojito perfection!!!!! And I am happy to report that I found sugarcane sticks to use as stirrers.

Canadian Guy had me watch this hysterical clip on Youtube and I thought I would pass it along!

Men on dating sites must think I am just sitting around awaiting a 1)phone call 2) email 3) IM 4)text message from them. I have received several messages that they are perturbed at me for not staying in better contact and I respond, I work a lot and I have an active social life. Most of these guys also have a hard time accepting that I don't want to date just one guy. It is dating....you know....meet people, go out, see if there is a spark, repeat as necessary.

Sci-Fi Guy is up for another date.

Anti-engineer wants to meet up.

NJ Guy (I haven't mentioned him before) is hassling me for not emailing every day.

Plaything popped up this week. He sent me pictures of his junk. He bragged about how big he was and wanted to know if I could handle him should we date. Isn't there some sort of etiquette for showing pictures of your junk like maybe after the first date, not before it has even been decided whether you will go out????

Professor God has been strangely silent so I am hoping he has decided to cancel the date without informing me. Maybe he met another "ONE" who worships the ground he walks on (sure won't get that from me).

My plan to get Biker dude to move along backfired as several people knowingly "told me so". He called me the very next day to get my advice about various & sundry things....completely unnecessary.

The guy that I am the most interested in is The Canadian. He initially contacted me just to tell me that I was pretty sexy looking. We have been chatting for several weeks now. He has the look I like: tall/dark/handsome. He is smart and funny. We have chemistry online and on the phone. We talk pretty much every day. But he lives in freakin Alberta, Canada. Neither one of us has a valid passport at the moment. Grrr.....what I really like about him is that he gets the concept of DaTiNg. He really gets it and we are on the same page with that. He makes me laugh--like rolling on the floor laugh. He has this really great accent...almost a California surfer dude with a few "ehs" tossed in for good measure. He had a band back in the day. He shared a few videos with me showing him playing. He is good on the guitar! He reads books! But he lives in Canada. How is that for Murphy's Law of Sassyland Dating????


Anyway, I have to conclude with the amount of disgruntled messages I have received from the various men on the dating sites that they just have a hard time wrapping their brains around the thought that women can date like men.

Labels: Date like a man

So I had my big date with Sci-Fi Guy. He is as cute in person as his pictures. He has a sexy European accent. He is only a post-grad researcher not a professor like I assumed. Frankly, our waitress was so ga-ga over him, I felt like setting the two of them up. It was amusing to say the least to watch her make over him....I got to observe the mystique.

We were sitting there over baklava in one of the rare moments our waitress was not hovering over Sci-Fi, when he tells me that dating an older woman is like eating a juicy ripe peach. I won't go into specifics as you guys are intelligent enough to get the picture. The sexy accent was just perfect for this type of discussion though. Waitress Melanie would have been creaming her jeans to be on the receiving end of the conversation....Sassy was merely....amused.

Sci-Fi guy is great, but BUT I felt more like an older sister than a date. He reminded me a lot of my kid brother in looks anyway. We spent a delightful evening together...we wandered the streets in the rain a bit and then went to B&N to discuss books. He is very hardcore and reads only classics. I like some of the classics, but my tastes run more to modern. We then came back to my place and continued our discussions on dance, music, life. Before we knew it, it was 1am and he had an hour drive ahead of him. I invited him to sleep on the couch if he wanted since it was so late and he looked pretty tired. He was a most charming and gracious guest and definitely a gentleman. I don't know if he was disappointed that he got the couch because he just is not the type to cop an attitude about it. I got him up this morning and kicked him out (very nicely of course). I told him we would go dancing sometime because he wants to get back to that, but I am hoping that he was not feeling any sort of spark.....I would like to be friends with him and hang out, argue about the meanings of songs, dance a few dances and then head our separate ways at the evening's end.

That my friends is how the date went....no chemistry...fun...entertaining...no chemistry.

Labels: Sci-Fi Guy

I just received photos from Sci-Fi Guy...OMG! I have a nice looking guy taking me out tonight folks! Woo-baby! Sassy got her groove on!

Labels: Sci-Fi Guy

I had coffee with Biker Dude last night. He calls and emails regularly and I figured if I met with him, he would stop all that.

I made it clear from the outset that booty calls would not be part of the equation.

He was trying to tell me something but he never really got to the point. He made mention that he has not been attracted to another woman since me though he has tried (yeah right!). He then said that he had been really stressed in the past year and made some very stupid decisions (like?????). Then he told me he was looking for quality and that was hard to find.

I really did not encourage that vein of conversation. I kept turning it to neutral subjects. Maybe he was trying to tell me he realized he loved me, I don't know exactly what he was going on about. I just know that my feelings for him are not in the romantic ballpark any longer. His life seems to be on track and he has some very positive things going on and I am happy for him. He is not someone I would like to try again with. There are only two guys that I would like a second chance with and his name is not on that list. There is something to be said for exclusivity.

Labels: Biker Dude

Ya'know, I read articles all the time and I hear women comment that they cannot find a man who wants to commit. I find men who want to marry me after one conversation (gack)!

I was sent an email by a nice looking man. He passed my initial perusal of his profile: he can spell, write a semi-creative paragraph or two about himself, he was older than my stepson, and he had his picture posted. As we exchanged emails, it was revealed that he was a professor at a local university and new to the area. Hmmmmmm....potential! So we started chatting to arrange a date. We chatted for two hours. During the course of the chat, I got real excited because the professor had just moved from FL and had been teaching at the university I am getting my masters from! Wow!

He called me and we talked for a bit more, but by then I was ready to flee! Since he is new to the area, he asked if I would drive to his town to meet him--no problem at all; however, I have been sick since Monday. First, he tried to pressure me to drive up immediately to have dinner with him and I deflected him until Wednesday.

Second, he went off on this tangent that it was fate that drew us together and that I was The ONE he has been searching for! Slow that train down dude! This is a date site not a marriage site.

Third, he started talking about how we will spend pretty much every waking moment together after our date. OMG--I am ready to flee the state and change my name! So I have not been excited about this date like I was initially.

Yesterday morning I was still ill so I sent him an email politely asking if we can postpone since I was still quite sick. Again, he tried to pressure me to drive to see him (umm, I have a FEVER dude). Then he lectured me that he rearranged all his plans to see me Wednesday. My reply: I have no control over when I get sick. So this freakshow has been diverted until next Wednesday. Meet Professor God.

***
I got stood up by a dickhead on Tuesday night. I gave him 10 minutes and then I was outta there. I got home to an email: "I hope you didn't show up Sassy. Since I never heard from you (it had been two days since I agreed to meet him for coffee) I decided you weren't going to show." Now you would think Mr. Brilliant Deductions would have sent an email earlier that day to confirm whether we were still on rather than afterward. He got moved into the Sassy graveyard while I was still at Starbucks tapping my nails.

***
The anti-engineer called me last night to inquire if I was going to throw in the towel and go to the doctor. Jeez are you my mother???? I know he wants another date, but back off. He keeps saying "I wish I could read your mind and know what you are thinking". My reply is "You never will." So now he went on a tangent that I must not be emotionally ready to date again if I can't tell him what I am thinking about. A perfectly valid argument if we have been seeing each other for months, but after two dates?

***
I have a date tomorrow night with another professor who teaches at the same university as Professor God. He is a science (biology) professor, age 32, can spell, write very funny, charming, long emails. He is driving to my town to take me out to dinner. He came up with a menu of choices for me for our night out. He can dance rumba, cha-cha, etc. He loves music and he reads books. He is knowledgeable about art and he travels. He is not pushy, but he does like to debate (what is it about science guys & the debate/argue dynamic?). He does not have a picture posted, but I was able to google him and he is single. No idea what he looks like though. . He is of Slavic origin and says he still has a heavy accent. He has made no declarations that I am THE ONE, merely that I sound like a lot of fun to hang around with. Here is hoping that Sci-Fi Guy does not have three eyes and wears a beanie. I did see his salary (it is a matter of public record apparently) and well, I think I made more in retail. So I almost feel the need to volunteer to pick up the dinner tab, but I will restrain myself. He will just have to find a way to finance these dates if we continue to see each other.

Labels: dating hell

I jump right back into the dating arena pretty quickly because I know if I don't, I just won't bother at all. I do enjoy male companionship, but my schedule fills quickly these days. I went on two dates last week. Both divorced men in their early 40's.

One of them--Anti-Engineer--suggested meeting at a Mexican restaurant and we had dinner and drinks. The waiter was, per a typical Sassy visit to a Mexican eatery, tripping all over himself to give me incredible service. My date was a tad bemused at the waiter showing up at our table every few minutes--usually with a refill for me. The waiter only had eyes for me. I didn't see the need to fill in the blanks with this mystical power of mine, because Anti-Engineer could see it for himself. My girlfriends all swear it is the power of the twins. Who knows? I do enjoy the excellent service I get regardless of the reason.

Labels: Mexi mystique revisited

I was reviewing the past year of my life in anniversary of being separated from the ex-hub exactly one year (divorce to be final by year end if all goes well). I asked myself: what have I learned from all this dating I have been doing? This post is the result.

What I have learned from the men I have dated:

1. Just because a man has read the Kama Sutra cover to cover does not make him accomplished in bed.
2. Bible thumping men are annoying as hell.
3. A man with OCD tends to have very clean hands.
4. If a man stands you up for your first date--no second chance should be given no matter how compelling the argument.
5. Older women are a magnet for under-experienced college guys.
6. Men who ask you out on a date and then expect you to pay for your half of the bill are cheap bastards...run run run.
7. Foot fetishists should keep that little nugget under wraps until at least the 3rd date.
8. A man who spends the first date discussing the alcohol and drug problems of his ex-wife and children is really looking for a good therapist.
9. Some men think that if they pay for your coffee that you have made a lifelong commitment to them.
10. Elementary school teachers come up with creative dates.
11. When a man shows you how to pop your lock with a credit card, thank him profusely and start using your deadbolt at all times (oh, and run run run).
12. Science guys got it going on in the bedroom despite the nerdy reputation.
13. When a man has the word Lonely anywhere in his online date site name.....substitute lonely for any of the following adjectives: depressed, socially inept, whackjob, unattractive, weird, stalker.
14. Men who like NASCAR, hunting, fishing, camping don't understand when a dating profile reads: I am not into NASCAR, I am not an outdoorsy kinda girl.
15. Younger men still use the phrase "I want to make out with you".
16. Men who refuse to post a picture on their dating profile tend to be married or unattractive and always say something to the effect "I think people should get to know a person based on personality alone".
17. If a man calls you from his hotel room rather than on his cell phone: married!
18. A gorgeous man who tries to start a fight with complete strangers while on a date with you is just a bit disturbed and no amount of gorgeousness will make up for the rollercoaster ride this guy will drag you on.
19. If you post a picture of yourself on your dating profile that shows some cleavage, you will get over 150 emails.
20. When a very tall man kisses a very short woman, the logistics can be a bit awkward.
21. The 20-something man seems to think it is a turn on to tell his date that he was horny the entire time he was in Vegas because of how hot the women looked.
22. Some men just don't know when to give it up: case in point, guy sends girl 5+ emails and she responds to not one of them and he gets mad.
23. If you live in Sassyland......don't plan a beach trip with a man as it seems to be a precursor to breaking up....I think that I will just have to go to the damn beach alone!
24. Men come in all sizes and it is fun to compare their signature moves.
25. I find smart men very sexy.
26. If a man does not own a single book, I can't get turned on by him.

I probably have a bunch more of these gems just packed away in the recesses of my brain, but I am taking a break.

Anybody care to share what you have learned?

Labels: Education

I love the band Maroon 5. The lyrics in the songs just reach out and grab me. One in particular right now really resonates with me:

Nothing Lasts Forever

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way


***

I think there is nothing lovelier than falling in love, but I found recently that even when you love someone it just may not be enough. I was falling in love with Lovah, but I knew he was not the right one. This caused me to act so strangely with him. I was trying to merge what I felt for him with what I knew intellectually. I didn't recognize myself most of the time when we were together. Hell, he must have thought he was dealing with a split personality: the fun person on the phone and the moody person I was when we were together. I think he chalked it up to my fear of commitment, but it had to confuse him too. I couldn't even talk to him about it because I didn't understand it myself.

When I step back and analyze the situation I realize that I was experiencing deja vu. When I was dating the ex-hub, I fell in love with him--a very passionate love. That feeling is phenomenal! However, I knew on an intellectual level we weren't right for each other. I plowed ahead believing love would conquer all. Reality is a bitch! You just cannot fit a square peg in a round hole without damaging the structural integrity of the peg.

I broke up with Lovah and left so many things unsaid. I was talking with a wise old friend last night who told me I had to let it go. So I am writing this post as a way to let it go. Casting the conflict in my mind and heart upon the winds to carry it away. I don't know what else to do with it because I find that by keeping it tight inside is affecting me physically with migraines.

Labels: Lovah, Maroon 5, Nothing Lasts Forever

So what is it about an "older" woman that attracts the 20-something guys on the personal sites? I swear I have about 15 hits from guys who are in their mid-20's who want to "make out", "cuddle", and outright have sex with me.

The line I get from every single one is some sob story about how all the girls their age play games, don't know what they want, and are immature. I consider myself attractive, but seriously---these guys go on about how gorgeous I am. We all know that is code for "I want to get in your pants", but what is the allure of having sex with an older woman. Is it the thought that she must be desperate for sex? Is it the perception that older=experience in bed?

Every one of these guys is good looking so I know with a snap of fingers they could have someone close by (yeah--all of these youngsters live out of state). One guy told me he would be willing to relocate....ummmm, we haven't even spoken on the phone yet.

Any takers on this puzzle?

Labels: Cougars, Younger Men

My friend Bea & I went to B&N the other night to cruise the aisles for some books. I did my typical walk through and then went back to the books that caught my eye. I picked a few out of the sale section (*gasp*) and headed for the check out. As I waited, I was perusing the new cds by the counter and was wholly in my own little sassy world. I felt someone staring and I looked up to see Book Boy behind the counter! He had quit the homespun bookstore and come to B&N. His eyes flickered with lust as he gave me the once over. I couldn't help but smile at the obviousness of it. His eyes were lit up at seeing me. Alas, he did not get to wait on me and I just spoke very briefly to him despite the fact he obviously wanted to speak more.

I was going to leave until Bea pointed out the rain was coming down in sheets. We headed for some coffee and more chat. When we finally left, poor Book Boy was practically doing handstands to get my attention. I merely waved to him as I coyly smiled. Nothing like a little--not revenge so much--as a feeling of satisfaction--as he once again realizes what a complete and utter ass he was to me!

Labels: Book Boy

My day was pretty low-key. I sat around in the ole pjs most of the day and did some sporadic cleaning. I got a new bookcase so I was able to shift stacks of books from my floor to the shelves. It gave me a feeling of satisfaction to see them all nice and lined up. I then found a neglected dvd holder in my office and I promptly put it to good use to clear up stacks of dvds on my mantle.

I started to feel cagey so I had to get out of the house by late afternoon. I went to see the movie Death at a Funeral. This movie is freakin hilarious in that dry Brit way. It stars Matthew Macfadyen and Keeley Hawes (both of MI5 fame). Those Brits sure like to show the naked bum a lot (no complaints here) and I laughed myself silly through the movie. There was one scene of bathroom humor that almost made me lose my Twizzlers, but I managed to survive (barely with my weak stomach for stuff like that). No plot spoilers here...go see it!

Labels: Death at a Funeral

I feel as if I have lost a necessary part of my life this weekend. You see, I broke up with Lovah. I have been fighting what I knew deep inside: that I just could not give him what I felt he wanted from me. Does not make it easy though and I have had the hot sting of tears behind my eyes most of the weekend. We have agreed to remain friends and hopefully that is not mere chatter passed between lovers to humor the other.

I took myself off to the movies today to see Becoming Jane. I am a huge Jane Austen fan and I devour whatever books and movies I come across that even remotely connect with her. This film has some of the most lush photography and the acting is very good. The male lead is James McAvoy who was in The Last King of Scotland. He really has impressed me. The movie resonated with my mood today and I highly recommend it. This will definitely be a dvd purchase for me.

Now I am home with the makings of a picnic I plan to have either on my deck or living room floor: rustic bread, kalamata olives, some cheese, a bit of quiche, a glass of wine.

Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!

Labels: Jane Austen, Lovah