1) DO NOT post pictures of you and an animal carcass.

2) Lose the wifebeater shirts & mullets.

3) Ditto on the senior portrait when you are over the age of 20.

4) Charles Manson is NOT a fashion icon.

5) Pictures of you with your ex-wife/girlfriend are a turn off.

6) Don't expect a response to an email if you have no picture of you at all! Yes, we are a visual society...deal with it.

7) Please DO advertise that you are desperately lonely so I know to avoid you.

8) If I haven't responded to your 10th email, I am not likely to respond to your 20th one...persistence becomes stalking after a while.

9) Please read my profile before sending me an email...it is a treasure trove of information...like the fact that I don't smoke or that I am interested in dating only. It is also pretty explicit on my distaste of Nascar, hunting, and fishing. Ask yourself, "Would this girl really enjoy seeing my deer heads on my wall? Would my 24/7 camouflage propensity be a turn on?"

10) Penis pictures are not a good introduction email topic...save it for...someone else!

Labels: dating

Benny responded to my email with a positive "you call the shots" email in return. We went to see I Am Legend tonight and he brought me another care package of food! The movie was very interesting and of course, Will Smith is just too fine for words. I wanted to eat him up!

I just don't think Ben meant what he said cause he wanted to hold my hand during the movie. And I have a fridge full of food that is way more than I can ever eat...my friends will be benefiting from good ole Ben's culinary skills again tomorrow.

I felt like Samantha from Sex in the City...she didn't like to hold hands....I don't like to hold hands...ewwwwwww! I think my marriage sucked every bit of romantic drivel from my body, soul, mind.

Anyway, I talked to Cabana Boy this weekend and he sorta misses me like I sorta miss him. We are hoping for some sort of road trip soon...it keeps coming up...and he even (gasp!) wants to spend the night with me this time!

Also, my Canuck friend wants to come for a visit this spring. We chatted via webcam last night for the first time and his words to me were, "What the hell is wrong with the men in the US? You are so damn gorgeous! Are they blind, deaf & dumb???? I am coming for a visit...I think I just found my dream girl." Pure flirtation, but Robbie has been charming since we first started chatting in the summertime and I need a bit of charm and flattery.

Still no prince charming though. Oh well, he would be taking the back seat of the bus right now....I love my classes for school, but am I insane???? I start this program with tax season????

Oh what else...hmmm...ran into this old bat today who calls herself a "friend of my family" or perhaps she still bills herself as a "good friend of my mother" (my mother always laughed when she heard that because she was anything but). Anyway, she spent a lot of time gossiping about me and my troubles when I was with the ex-hub and when she saw me today she looked like she was seeing a spawn of Satan. She looked everywhere but at my face...ya think she was a bit uncomfortable? I sure as hell hope so! I have to admit to a desire to go up and speak to her just to crank the uncomfortable up a bit, but then I realized I had much better things to do and frankly, she just isn't worth it. People who treat family friends like they are trash get what they deserve ultimately.

Labels: Waxing and waning weekend

Labels: DCF

I agreed to meet Ben for coffee tonight in the hopes that I totally miscued his signals.

I brought a book to Starbucks with me because, frankly, the thought of being stood up is vivid in my mind. I was immersed in my book when Ben called to apologize for being late. He promised an explanation when he arrived. Ben presented me with a single red rose upon his arrival. He then explained that he was late because he was cooking up a gourmet lunch for me to take to work tomorrow.

I was 1) flabbergasted 2) amused 3) flattered. I have never had a man do that for me. Not even ex-hub in the early days of wine & roses between us did he do that.

I can almost hear the marriage proposal. My bones sense it coming. What is it about me that makes men who barely know me want to propose? He wants to spend every waking moment with me, wants us to speak each night before we go to bed....you, my dear blogger friends, can almost see the tire marks I will be leaving as I move to another state.

My plan is to send him an email tomorrow and try to salvage this rapidly deteriorating (in my mind) situation. I intend to set the boundary that we can be friends, we can spend a SMALL amount of my free time together, but that is it. I kept telling him that my free time was shrinking by the minute with two new clients signing on each week and my masters program, but what he heard must have sounded like this, "I have nothing to do EVER, so yes, please come move into my apartment with me and let us never part company." I am almost nauseous at the thought. I told a friend this week that I thought I was going to end up being sixty, alone with bitchy SassyKat to keep me company rather than in the company of my near-dream man. *sigh* will all the components ever be present in one man?

And for the record, Utenzi, Mr. C will never ever ever score another date with me. He blew it.

Labels: dating hell

I sent Bedroom Eyes an email thanking him for the nice dinner and lovely evening on Saturday night when I got home from our date....no word from him.

Ben--on the other hand--is a different story. If you will recall, I mentioned Jadey met him and told him he needed to meet me. We invited him to join us for coffee yesterday afternoon. He is nice, charming, continental (he is from Tunisia), well-traveled, well-dressed, funny, smart & very short. I tower over him and I am a wee thing even with my propensity to wear 2" - 3.5" heels. I like tall men. Anyway, back to the tale. He was rather blase when we first met, that is, until I put on lip gloss and then he lost his train of thought and he was hooked on Sassy. We did exchange phone numbers and email because I was still under the mistaken impression that he was merely interested in meeting new friends (not of the romantic/sexual kind). I have officially heard from him more since yesterday afternoon than I heard from Bedroom Eyes since he & I first started chatting! Ben called tonight to wish me beautiful dreams. Very sweet and if he were taller (and not the father of FOUR children) I might consider him.

My cutie-pie in NC got in touch with me and I felt bad. I asked him if he forgot to get back to me on the date we were planning (I am still ouching from Mr. C's callous standup) and he told me they got news about his mother (she has cancer) that was not good and he has been trying to get a handle on it. So, I took him outta the graveyard.

Then, yesterday, I was talking to a friend about this cool marriage proposal I got when I was 19. The story led me to wonder what that guy was up to. Last I knew he had moved to NJ to lick his wounds over my rejection of his marriage proposal. Well, he moved back to the area. I sent him a little card and gave him my number & email in case he wants to meet up and discuss the good old days. We shall see if Tony decides to contact me. We used to have a blast together!

As I write this, I am watching the episode of Sex and the City where Burger broke up with Carrie on a post it note and she goes off on his buds about how a real man should break up with a girl. I need to start watching this series again....so love it! Such classic stories that I can definitely relate to.

Labels: men

I had so much dancing on Friday and Saturday. I just love as I see my dancing evolve into sharper turns, intricate footwork, and just flat out sexiness. We rushed home yesterday to stay ahead of the big snow the weatherman assured us was coming....hmmm I see no snow on the ground this morning!

A friend and I are planning a trip to RTP in NC for some salsa dancing. I can't wait to go!!

I got home yesterday and rested for the big date with Bedroom Eyes. He is real nice, but he reminds me of Ray from Everybody Loves Raymond. I liked him, but there is no spark on my part. I am hoping there is none on his to avoid that weird second date scenario. I think Marrakesh Man may be fake....and Boy Next Door popped up briefly on Friday, but I was not around to chat with him. I think I am going to write him off except for the occasional flirty chat. I did have a 22 year old pop up yesterday and asked me out to dinner...he said (to sweeten the pot) that he owned his own home and was in college. He also pointed out that he realized I was older, but that is what he was looking for. *sigh* he is only a year older than my oldest stepson....I just can't do it.

Jadey has been busy, however! She played hookey on Thursday when it snowed and was at our favorite restaurant. She knows the owner quite well and they were hanging out. A new waiter started there named Ben. So Jadey chatted up Ben and finally declared "I have just the girl for you!" She got Ben's phone number for...ME. Oy vey! I told her I want to meet him and then if we want to make plans that is fine, but call him out of the cold blue???? Not feeling that.

Of course, I started the Masters program yesterday and got two new clients this week...not sure I will have time to eat or sleep, much less date for the next two years...it will be worth it though when I am traveling the globe as a consultant.

Labels: dating

Soooo...should I continue this? I am trying to decide.

Labels: DCF

It's raining men in Sassyland once again! Lots of men, only a few worthy candidates for my time.

The line up:

Bedroom Eyes--he has the most potential. he is 42, has two kids, lives 45 mins away. On paper we appear to be a good match. He is from upper state NY. Engineer (nooooooooooooooo!) Our first date is on Saturday.

Marrakesh Man--He was born in Morocco...traveled the world, good sense of humor. Older than I am really interested in (52) but he says I make him laugh so hard that he can barely hold onto his laptop when we chat. Dinner set for unspecified future time. He has led an interesting life and I wouldn't mind meeting up.

Boy Next Door--we have been emailing & chatting for months. We may finally have a date. He is 37, two kids, lives 1.5 hours away. Cute & funny. We hit it off, but we never seem to make a connection on setting up an actual date.

I apparently have been sending out vibes to unmarried 18/19 year olds this week...guess that is slightly better than the marrieds looking for affairs. I just can't bring myself to chat with someone younger than my stepson.

Cabana Boy is not coming down next week *sigh*....don't know what I am going to do without my CB fix. Dammit! I actually miss him and wanted to see him (and rip his clothes off and have my way, but that is beside the point). He indicated the same line of thought.

That is the dating update...

Labels: dating

So the Bastard has a myspace page and since he is still listed as a "friend" albeit a dubious one, I get to see little updates on my myspace page. The little gem that he posted today:

"[Bastard] believes that what you DO far out-weighs what you SAY".

Ya think genius???? Like when you say you are taking a girl out on a date and you NEVER show up.

Labels: Bastard

It is hard to get good DCF shot when you don't have a tripod or someone to take the photos. I took these this morning...kinda blurry (yeah, I KNOW Utenzi). You pick your fav. I know I can go out to the street and find an endless supply of men willing to take the DCF photos, but nahhhh. Maybe I will have Cabana Boy take some when he is here or Maybe Roselle will finally submit a pic of her fab rack!!!! One of my readers took some DCF of me and promised to send copies to me but I still have not received them (HINT). I am sending out a lot of hints today hopefully, the recipients have had enough caffeine to know they are directed at them.

I did get a request for butt cleavage, but the logistics of that picture session would require more yoga than I have experience with and well....not sure how I feel about that photo op anyway.

Labels: DCF

I did a lot of dancing over the past weekend! I was delighted. In between dances I was hanging out at the wine bar when a very handsome, extremely well-dressed man came up for some drinks. I have not seen him at the socials before. He turned to me and said, "I love your hair! It is so very metro and the style really works for you!" I must admit, I got a big head from the compliment because the guy had it going on. I am fairly certain he is gay (the gaydar was blipping loud & clear) but the fact that he was so stylish and good looking made me feel honored by his compliments.

This metro girl must be sending out weird vibes to married men, however. Grrrr....another man at my big client's place sent an email to my private address. Turns out he is "lonely & bored with his marriage and is looking for a woman to spend time with on the side" re: affair. Now this guy is nice and we have been part of the group that goes bowling, but I have never given him any indication that I was interested in him in anything than a casual workmate fashion. I can't imagine why this 50-something, average guy would think that I would be the least bit interested in him! I certainly don't look desperate for dates!

I had hoped that the two weeks away from me over the holidays would have tamped down the other guy too....NOT! Gorgeous married engineer is convinced he is in love with me....or so he tells me. Maybe he thinks if he throws a little emotional junk in the mix that I will cave to his pleas of sleeping with him. Puleeze! As if I need a married man when I can barely keep up with the offers from the single ones from singles.net.

Tax season is upon me and new clients are falling into my lap like ripe plums. Let it rain on me!!! I am soooo tired this week that I can barely keep my eyes open beginning mid-day. I need a massage (thank goodness I am working for my spa client all weekend) and some drinks and dancing (going to a party Friday nite and maybe dancing Sat. nite).

Cabana Boy will be in town in a mere two weeks...thank god! I need a fix of him....it has been since the week before Xmas and I am going to be seriously ripping his clothes off and having my way with him. He won't know what hit him! It appears that we will be celebrating our divorces at about the same time. That is right....so very very close to the divorce being final...when you hear all that noise from my corner of the planet...that is just me whooping it up with my friends. I am going to do some sort of celebratory dinner when the papers are signed and I am released from the past once and for all. 2008 is going to be a great year for me! My blessings will be more business than I can handle, a wonderful man, a long vacation, more dancing, and that hot little sports car I have been eyeballing!

Labels: Metro girl

Mr. C stood me up--hence the ass-kicking to the graveyard. I just don't get it. Why beg me for a 2nd date at all? I think I know the answer...a better girl with a better offer came along (or so he thinks). What goes on in a man's mind when he decides, "Hey, I have this date, but I am not interested any longer." Is it a matter of "Will she notice if I don't show up?" or "Who the hell cares if she is left standing around, why should I call her?" I learned early on in this silly dating game that to give a man another chance after he stands you up is to give him the license to just run you over and treat you like you have so little value. I sent Mr. C a coolly polite email about being stood up. I reviewed it carefully because I did not want to be labeled a psycho-bitch chick from the internet. Frankly, if anyone is a bit psycho, it would have to be him. I never heard back from him with even a simple "I am sorry" and I know he got the message. Again, for someone who displayed impeccable manners on our one & only date, and who wrote volumes on his myspace blog about treating people with kindness and respect, it baffles me. Whatever his reasons, I have been licking my wounds for my stupidity in getting my hopes up. Damn him for making me hope. I thought I was ready for romance, but a wise friend pointed out yesterday that maybe I should just continue with what works for me: seeing Cabana Boy casually and let the chips fall where they may.

I don't think I have much choice in the matter...the internet dating world is losing its luster. I signed up at a new site: singles.net. I was slammed with 15 emails in a matter of 5 minutes. Not a one that I found interesting enough to want to pursue.

Well, past bedtime...hoping I can get some sleep now that I have released this emotional stuff out into cyberspace.

Labels: Bastard

This is Beasley. He is one of the bartenders at Metro! an upscale restaurant/bar in my area. He has created a drink called The Black Bartender and it is awesome! Some sort of yummy vodka berry creation that made me go "O". Beasley gives good drink and he is adorable. As he said "Once you go Black [Bartender], you never go back" and truer words have not been spoken...at least in regards to this Sassy girl and this mouthwatering drink.

Now if only the male patrons at Metro! were a fraction as charming, talkative...and willing to dance a little. I swear this sleepy city I live in exasperates me. In every other city I have gone to--DC, Raleigh, Denver--men are a minimum of two-deep dying for a dance and at least one free drink is sent my way...I think I could have stripped on the bar and no one would have noticed. What is wrong with the men here??? So.....I think that internet dating is still my best bet to meet someone and the kinds of men that tingle my toes just don't seem to be available here in Podunk, VA.

Beasley, if you read this and I spelled your name wrong...so sorry. I will be back for another Black Bartender so keep my place at the bar warm, will ya? Oh, and maybe pass along to the straight men hanging out at the bar....conversation is a great way to meet a girl...don't just stare at her (and her tits)....go, talk, prosper! And for god sakes...don't linger around the dance floor if you aren't going to dance...even a dirty booty dance would have been a welcome thing tonight.

Labels: Beasley, Black Bartender, Metro

My new motto is "Whatever, You Bastard!" Going to put it on a coffee mug as a reminder not to get my hopes up so quickly again.

Happy DCF!

Labels: DCF

Today was my day for being hot! At the Mexi restaurant tonight, the waiter served the girls the salsa. I swear, he was so enthralled by them, that the salsa bowl was placed within millimeters of the right boob. He backed away from the table in awe.

Earlier today married engineer in my posse told me I was scrumptious looking and that he wanted to lick every inch of me. Hmmmm...pour some salsa on me and both of them would have eaten me for a snack.

Well, Mr. C is being kicked rather hard to the graveyard dammit! I promised my friend, Jadey, not to dwell on this so that is all I am saying. Then, I get an email from Cabana Boy that he will soon be back in town and wants to see me if I am willing....why can't Cabana Boy be in a better place in his life? I am just the transition girl for him....sadly...because I think if he were over the ex-wife, we could be good together. Silly dreams....going to be real busy with the Masters program, with building my business...maybe I won't mind not having a lovely romance????? Lets hope.

Labels: Cabana Boy, men, posse

I have had a request for one of my cookie recipes, so here ya go Lee--can you believe Utenzi didn't like them?????:

Macadamia, Cranberry, & White Chocolate Mounds (from Holiday Cookies BH&G) :

1/2 package (18 oz size) refrigerated sugar cookie dough
1/2 cup dried cranberries or dried sour cherries
1/4 cup all-purpose flour
1/2 cup chopped macadamia nuts
2 oz white chocolate chopped
1 tblspoon grated orange peel

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In medium bowl, combine all ingredients. Drop by tablespoonfuls 2 inches apart on ungreased baking sheet.

2. Bake 10-12 minutes, until lightly browned. Transfer to wire racks, cool completely.

Easy breezy and very very yummy! Enjoy!

Comment Graphics at pYzam.com

Labels: Xmas cookies