I love the band Maroon 5. The lyrics in the songs just reach out and grab me. One in particular right now really resonates with me:

Nothing Lasts Forever

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way


***

I think there is nothing lovelier than falling in love, but I found recently that even when you love someone it just may not be enough. I was falling in love with Lovah, but I knew he was not the right one. This caused me to act so strangely with him. I was trying to merge what I felt for him with what I knew intellectually. I didn't recognize myself most of the time when we were together. Hell, he must have thought he was dealing with a split personality: the fun person on the phone and the moody person I was when we were together. I think he chalked it up to my fear of commitment, but it had to confuse him too. I couldn't even talk to him about it because I didn't understand it myself.

When I step back and analyze the situation I realize that I was experiencing deja vu. When I was dating the ex-hub, I fell in love with him--a very passionate love. That feeling is phenomenal! However, I knew on an intellectual level we weren't right for each other. I plowed ahead believing love would conquer all. Reality is a bitch! You just cannot fit a square peg in a round hole without damaging the structural integrity of the peg.

I broke up with Lovah and left so many things unsaid. I was talking with a wise old friend last night who told me I had to let it go. So I am writing this post as a way to let it go. Casting the conflict in my mind and heart upon the winds to carry it away. I don't know what else to do with it because I find that by keeping it tight inside is affecting me physically with migraines.

Labels: Lovah, Maroon 5, Nothing Lasts Forever

I feel as if I have lost a necessary part of my life this weekend. You see, I broke up with Lovah. I have been fighting what I knew deep inside: that I just could not give him what I felt he wanted from me. Does not make it easy though and I have had the hot sting of tears behind my eyes most of the weekend. We have agreed to remain friends and hopefully that is not mere chatter passed between lovers to humor the other.

I took myself off to the movies today to see Becoming Jane. I am a huge Jane Austen fan and I devour whatever books and movies I come across that even remotely connect with her. This film has some of the most lush photography and the acting is very good. The male lead is James McAvoy who was in The Last King of Scotland. He really has impressed me. The movie resonated with my mood today and I highly recommend it. This will definitely be a dvd purchase for me.

Now I am home with the makings of a picnic I plan to have either on my deck or living room floor: rustic bread, kalamata olives, some cheese, a bit of quiche, a glass of wine.

Hope everyone is having a great holiday weekend!

Labels: Jane Austen, Lovah

That is one of my favorite lines from Nottinghill. Strictly speaking, this is not about kebabs, but I always wanted to use that line in a post so I am going to make it work.

I am a bit shy with Lovah still. It is really quite odd since he speaks as if I have the body of a goddess. Quite contrary to past lovers, I don't wander around nude. In fact I usually wear my sexy bits of fabric to bed & toss them off from under the covers (weird, huh?). Lovah finds this quirk of mine funny (and perhaps endearing, but who can say for sure--maybe just annoying).

Lovah and I were lounging in bed this past Sunday when we started fooling around a bit. We were both fully clothed. When he whispered in my ear what he wanted to do to me/for me to energize me before I started dinner, I jumped off the bed and ran for the bathroom. I was not putting in a diaphragm or shaving my legs...I wanted to surprise Lovah. I stripped down, opened the bathroom door and took a flying leap onto the bed & onto Lovah. He was definitely surprised as I have never done that before...the look on his face was priceless. I got my treat in spades!!! It was so worth the streaking incident to see his face! He still can't stop talking about it and I can't stop smiling about the results.

Labels: Kebabs, Lovah

I am exhausted! I am down to the last 5 pages or so of my paper, plus I need to study pretty intensely between now & 7/20 when I take my CLEP for Biology in the hopes of avoiding any more school between now & November. Of course, I am not about to sacrifice my social life for such things so I have been burning the candle at both ends and I am feeling every bit of the exhaustion. I barely made it through yoga & modern dance yesterday I was so wrung out.

Psst--wanna hear some gossip? Turns out Bible Boy is a sex offender. That is right folks! I need to start checking the men out on the internet before I go out with them! Yikes! He was in my apartment a lot! I am hoping my information is incorrect...I did not see him on the 'net under registered sex offenders so I am not sure what this information means. My friend Bea got an email from him on the dating site I set her up on & coincidentally she was at a local restaurant that evening and Bible Boy was the waiter. Another friend with her said he had rented from him in the past and had run a background check on him and that it popped up he was a registered sex offender. This was 13 years ago, so maybe the friend was mistaken. It gives me the willies and really makes me want to rethink the whole online dating thingy. Silly really, because you can meet someone through friends and he could have the same type of past.

It is interesting to me to see the different facets of my personality, neurosis, etc. react to the different men I have dated or are dating. With Joseph I got real quiet and lost the laughter. With Hot College Guy & 27A I got real smart-assy and a "take no shit" attitude. I won't even get into the ex-husband as I completely disappeared from myself with that bastard. With Lovah I am almost militant in my need to preserve my heart--poor guy! I know he is not seeing the real Sassy-Assy but I have not been able to let my guard down completely yet for that to happen. He so carefully analyzes people, conversations, and the like that I often feel like I am under a microscope and I don't like the feeling. Much like an animal in the wild I find the camouflage naturally comes out--sort of like a porcupine...all prickly all the time. Oddly enough, despite this yucky love/emotional stuff, I feel completely comfortable with him. How crazy is that!

Labels: Bible Boy, dating, Lovah, school

It has been a long time (okay, since Adorable) since I have had such a strong craving to be with someone, but Lovah got it going on. His tongue has magical and addictive properties. He makes me sizzle, sigh & scream all at the same time. I have had to go a week without my "drug" of choice and I am as jittery as a junky waiting on the next fix. Lovah is quite the tease too...a coochie tease. There--I think I have coined a new phrase and about damn time too! Tonight, I am shooting for three trips to heaven spread out over several hours....I am ready to go.

Ready or not Lovah, here I come....................

Labels: coochie tease, Lovah, sex, weekend