I got to spend a little time with the niecy-poohs a couple weekends ago. I showed up with my purple streaked hair and a cute mini-skirt on. The nieces were all "ooh" and "ahh" over both my hair and skirt and declared me the coolest aunt ever. I visited them at their father and stepmother's house. My sister has not seen the hair and she has never seen me in a mini-skirt because of the conservative nature of la familia. I can only imagine what she will think when she hears the girls' tales of my visit. I am hoping that certain details will have been forgotten once they saw their mother again. She was in England for the week immediately after my visiting the nieces and hopefully the whole purple hair/mini skirt thing slipped through the cracks.

I doubt it though and I can just hear the phone call now:
"Um, Sassy, we need to talk. The girls want to have purple streaks in their hair and to wear mini-skirts. They told me that you had both when they saw you in October. What is going on with you? Are you having a mid-life crisis or trying to cope with the divorce? You know the girls look up to you and like to copy your style of dress, etc....blah blah blah."


And that, my friends, is why I did not get a cute teeny-tiny diamond stud put in my nose. I think I can calm my sister down over the hair (temporary, not!) and the mini (it was really a skort, not!), but a nose piercing....well, I might never get to see my nieces over that issue.

Labels: Aunt Sassy is Cool

NJ Guy and I finally (after several cancellations on both sides) were able to have our date. I promised rave reviews for him on my blog, because in a moment of---I think--so tired I can't think straight, I gave him my blog address.

So here it goes my friend:

Dress: Well groomed and did not wear the requisite baseball cap and hunting jacket that is de rigueur in my area. He did threaten to wear a Mickey Mouse t-shirt or something to that effect, but he was just teasing. A

Attitude: He is freakin' hilarious and a great conversationalist. He loves music (he is a part-time musician after all) and we had lively conversation about our mutual musical likes and dislikes. We also spent much time laughing about the area we live in. A+++

Place/Atmosphere: We ended up going to Ruby Tuesday in the middle of nowhere because the nice restaurant he picked out is closed on Sunday (what the hell???). I had to run the deer gauntlet to get there (I swear I saw about 20 deer carcasses on the side of the road). The food was typical Ruby fare and I liked it. I was disappointed about the original restaurant. B

So, there ya go, NJ Guy! You got a good write up and I even mean every word! I don't think I exaggerated this time (thank you very much for pointing that out btw). Looking forward to the next date.

Labels: NJ Guy

Did someone decide that Charles Manson is a fashion icon for men? I swear to the Greek gods that every other guy who has sent me an email from (count'em) four different internet dating sites recently resemble ole Charlie. Ewwwwwww! If that is not a karmic sign to continue to take a break from dating I don't know what is.

The ones that don't resemble Charles are all aged 27. *Sigh* So I am wondering if there is a bathroom wall seen exclusively by only 27 year olds and it reads "SassyAssy loves 27 year olds--give her a call".

My gut feeling has been telling me not to do the neighbor/brownie thingy. This was reinforced by a new commenter (Dan Patterson) on that blog entry. Hell, maybe that is my neighbor or he knows him. I took it as a sign not to go there.

Last night I was in B&N buying a few books I had coupons for (see Utenzi--I do use coupons) and this pleasant looking gentleman was ahead of me. I struck up a conversation with him about his rather sleep-inducing choice of audiobook (Hemingway). We flirted, we joked and then he left.

I guess if I get real desperate--the psycho-stalking truck driver dude is still calling and leaving weird messages on my phone.

Then there is this guy that I am just buds with. We met via match.com last year and I never really felt a spark, but we fell into an easy friendship. We talk regularly and compare dating experiences. I really don't give him much passing thought. Lately, he has been hinting at being a bit in love with me. He calls almost every day now. I am just not interested in him that way and short of being brutally honest I have dropped enough hints that it is not going to happen. He is an eternal optimist though and says he will grow on me. I don't think so because he is just too short. I want someone tall. Silly isn't it? Until he came along, I never paid much attention to height, but every man I have ever found attractive was at least 5' 9" (a good 7" taller than me).

Last but not least...a guy came along quoting Princess Bride (one of my all time favorite movies). He is intelligent, articulate, witty, interesting. What is the problem, SassyAssy, you ask? His latest email to me included this little nugget about him: I must confess there is a side to me that you need to know about before anything progresses, and since you've been so very forthright I'll do the same with you, I have a kinky side that goes beyond the average persons play habits, and honestly I prefer these types of activities to humdrum vanilla, so if this is frightening to you or if you lack an adventurous side, it's best to stop now because we would not last were we to have the chemistry etc to really get involved, and in all truthfulness I'm not looking for bedpost notches, as it takes time to build trust and to play with someone in a safe and fun way that pushes boundaries and expands everyone involved.
I asked for an elaboration on his notion of "kinky" and have not heard back from him. I am thinking that he got that question and said to himself, "If she is too dumb to understand of what I speak, I had best leave this little innocent alone."

Okay--FATE, KARMA--whoever you are--I get the hint--take care of business and then let the romance come later. I have things I need to finish up before school starts in January and I have been dragging my feet. Guess I will take matters into hand this weekend and get the majority finished up. One of those includes meeting soon to be ex-hub to finalize our paperwork pre-lawyer visit. It is getting closer to celebration time my blogger buddies.

Labels: Internet dating nightmares

The girls go out to play this weekend...........

Meet a new friend of mine, Mo. She is incredibly witty and we had fun cruising the adult toy store over the weekend. We went with 4 other women and we were having way too much fun. We looked at frog shaped cock rings, super-jumbo unbelievable dildos, Rabbits and Rabbit knockoffs, glow-in-the dark shower toys...well, you get the picture. In case you don't have a few visuals:

We all left the store with a nice discreet black bag and the items above went home with a couple of the girls. I did not buy any of those items. I did think about purchasing some other items to help with the dating dryspell I am currently experiencing. I made my selection and happily turned down batteries since that is one thing I manage to keep on hand at all times *grins*. Once I paid, I discovered some sexy items of clothing, but I decided to pass on those for the time being.

I found it interesting that women outnumbered men in that store 3 to 1. Some of the items for sale boggled my mind....like the coochie cushion modeled off of a famous porn star...the detail was startling. It was briefly considered as a purchase for a 30-year old male virgin known to some of the gals. Then there was the "flutter bug" panty enhancer---hmmm---or the internet operated orgasm thingy-do.

You know what I miss---a strong pair of arms wrapped around me, the thigh pushed between mine as we spoon, the human touch.

Labels: Girls just wanna have fun, sex toys

I rarely meet my neighbors because I am not at home. A couple of months ago, I see Mr. Hottie go into the apartment next to mine. That is when I noticed that the door mat that used to be there was gone. Susan the flight attendant had moved on and Mr. Hottie had moved in. The next time I ran into him was at our bank of mailboxes, but he was on the phone. Two weeks ago I was in a hurry to meet the girls and he was off to the basketball court and again, no time to say hi or introduce myself. I hear him puttering around in his apartment at times. He must work swing swift because I have yet to figure out what his pattern is. He still has no door mat out and he only has one sports chair on his deck. I never hear a woman's (or a man's) voice come from his apartment.

I am thinking of whipping up a batch of yummy brownies and packaging them up in a cute bag--perhaps a Halloween theme and leaving them on his doorstep with a note to the effect: Welcome to the neighborhood, from the brownie fairy in apt #.

What do you guys think? Should I do it? Is that a way to get a face-to-face introduction at last???

Labels: Mr. Hottie Neighbor

I was IM'ing tonight when a familiar name popped up. I knew I had spoken to the person before but I just couldn't place who it was. It was someone I deleted from my contact last. I asked some vague questions hoping for clues to who it was. Finally I figured out I was talking to 27B. He decided to touch base with me and see if I was seeing anyone. He tried to talk me into having a purely physical relationship with him. He is yet another guy who has very little sexual experience. I declined the offer and told him (truthfully) that I wanted/needed & would accept nothing less than a very experienced man. Poor guy--he tried to convince me that we would be dynamite in bed. Wishful thinking on his part. He told me he thought of me often and viewed me as the "one that got away".

Sassy the Heartbreaker of 20-somethings strikes again!

Labels: 27B

I can't speak for Roselle, but I had a great time meeting up with her on Saturday night. We ditched the plan to go dancing for drinks and conversation. We decided to walk to a pub close to the hotel I was staying in. We came upon a trendy looking hotspot and we were told that Jude Law was inside so we shrugged and decided to check it out. Jude Law was no where to be seen on the first floor, so he must have been in the private room above and we left for a quieter place. We settled on Gabby's. Roselle and I are talkers and the conversation flowed very easily between us. She is Adorable!!! I really enjoyed meeting up with her and I hope we get to spend more time together. I definitely want to go back to Toronto for the drag salsa club!

As delightful as my visit to Toronto was, getting out of there was a different matter altogether! OMG!!!! I thought seriously that we were going to be trapped there most of the day on Sunday. C & I got up bright and early to leave on Sunday. We were informed that the street we intended to leave on was closed because of a race and we were given alternate directions to Gardiner Expressway. We took the alternate directions, only to come upon sign after sign that the roads were closed. I am BAFFLED by the lack of thought that the city put into choosing the race route! No detour signs were put up and so we wandered trapped for two hours in Toronto until we found someone who was able to give us directions on how to get out of there.

Despite this blip, the trip to Canada was a lot of fun! Apparently, big boobs are not a common sight in Toronto and the girls caused some commotion when I was at the mall and walking to the mall. I had one guy point to them and give me the thumbs up sign! The beer was yummy--much better than the watered down stuff that passes as mixed drinks. Shopping was fun (unbelievably, I only bought a pair of shoes) and everyone was friendly. Toronto gets 3 1/2 stars from me!

Labels: Roselle, Toronto

That is what C and I have been asking as we take pictures. We have actually taken several blog worthy pics. We stopped on the Canadian side of Niagara Falls....my breath was taken away. I took these pictures using a cool feature called stitching on my camera.

I am soooo in love with Toronto. I think I could live here despite the cold. We drove in last night about 10:30 and I love cityscapes at night. This city has one of the prettiest ones I have ever seen . I wish my camera's battery had not died so I could have taken a few shots. I am hoping to get some tonight.

Did a bit of shopping! Just bought a pair of shoes (of course!), but the day is young. Headed off to a pub for a bit of food & beer. Another picture deemed blog worthy:

Labels: Niagara Falls, Toronto

Tomorrow I head to northern VA to meet up with my friend C and then we leave for Toronto sometime Friday morning. I am psyched....I get to go to a drag salsa club with my blogger buddy Roselle (and whatever other trouble we can find). I am off to pack my weekend bag....yikes...Sassy & packing light are not a good combo.

Met up with the ex-hub-to-be tonight. The meeting went surprisingly well. We buried the hatchet...and not in each other. He volunteered some generous benefits if I would agree to the divorce sooner rather than later. So I may be a free-gal by mid-November and no, Utenzi, do NOT go buying that leopard print tux...I haven't agreed to marry you yet. You haven't ponied up the right ring yet to entice me.

Labels: beginnings, Endings, everywhere in between

I woke up this morning after the most interesting dream. I was a bride and I wore a leopard print wiggle dress. All my guests were sipping martinis out of my Leopardtini glasses. The groom was no where to be seen, but I know he was there complete with leopard bowtie & cumberbund.

I have always been such the anti-bride. I never dreamed of white weddings. It just is not and has never been a strong interest of mine. Being married, yes (once anyway), but not the wedding. I just laughed to myself this morning over this Leopard wedding dream. Typical Sassy--no white wedding dreams here--I dream in spots! But hey, if I ever do get married...I think I am going to roll with this theme. Guess that adds another layer of complexity to my search for a man...must love leopard!

Labels: leopard, Spots

I thought I would be chomping at the bit to get back to the allure the online dating sites usually hold for me, but not so much. I think I am living in the wrong place for the type of demographic I want to market myself to. So much else going on....contemplating becoming a junior partner, the impending divorce, dreaming of a vacation.

I think I am through with the distractions I was affording myself with this aimless, mindless dating treadmill I hopped on a year ago. I am ready to contemplate what I want for me. It is no secret that my marriage was made in hell. I had high hopes and dreams of being married to my best friend and growing old together. I miss the comfortableness a long term relationship--even a bad one--affords. I miss hugs--the kind where he comes up behind you and envelopes you completely. I miss the passionate kisses. I want LOVE. I want to feel it, give it, receive it! I want the goofy warm glow, the stars in my eyes, walk on air, rush into the arms of my lover kind of love. I just want it with the right person this time and I want it reciprocated in kind.

I keep having flashes of visions--me in a foreign country--England or Australia so I am going ahead and renewing my passport sooner rather than later. I had flashes of me in a hammock with some man. I can't see his face, but I feel safe, comfortable, at peace in his arms. This probably seems silly to most of you--these flashes of mine, but I have learned not to ignore them.

Recently, I knew the week before that Adorable would be showing up on my doorstep--I saw it clearly. I had no reason to think that because he dropped completely off the face of the earth. I had a flash that I would be going to Canada sometime this fall and bam! the invite comes unexpectedly into my life. I am not saying I have any special powers, but I am very in tune with my intuition and I can't think of when it has failed me.

Life is exciting and so many possibilities, twists n turns are out there. I just want to drink it in and let it lead me in the right direction.

Labels: Randomness of thoughts

1. He thinks removing your panties is foreplay
2. He couldn't find your vagina if you had a big arrow pointing to it
3. He thinks Clit is an abbreviation for the Creative Lit class you are taking
4. He pumps up and down rapidly like he is hammering nails....start to finish...no variation in rhythm
5. The cat's licks on your toes are more exciting than his kisses
6. You are making a mental note to dust the ceiling fan off rather than trying to figure out what the hell he is doing
7. You wonder if he thinks mute is the normal reaction of a woman having an orgasm
8. You question if he even knows women can have orgasms
9. You glance at the clock and ask if it could possibly go over the five minute mark
10. Since he never penetrated, you wonder where the hell he put his penis (and you thank the Greek gods that he put it someplace other than inside you)

These are the top highlights from
A) Sassy's date with psycho-Sci-Fi Guy
B) Your last date

What horror stories do you have to share...come on, bare it on the Glitter Whore Confessional.

Labels: Sexual encounters of the bizarre kind

So my blogger buddy, Roselle, and I are going to meet up next weekend. I got an impromptu invite to Toronto with an acquaintance and I decided to jump all over it. Then the bulb flashed and I thought I would let Roselle know just in case she was free and viola! she is. I don't know about her, but I am already writing up some entries. I am going to make sure my camera is good & ready for some massive picture taking.

Last night I dreamed that Roselle and I met for drinks in the Distillery District. The next thing I know, we are running through a maze of streets being chased by giant fruit loops, the jolly green giant, keebler elves and screaming children throwing cherry pie filling. We ducked into a mall and got a massage in a pool hall and a very dashing man swept me off my feet as I ran through a bubble machine....meanwhile Roselle was kicking ass at the pool table. Wow! Thems some powerful drugs that doc gave me.

Labels: Psychadelic dreams

This week passed me by while I was in a haze. I got violently ill on Monday night and vaguely remember a friend hauling me down my three flights of steps to the doctor's office. I was diagnosed with flu or cozzycoxxi or kamikaze virus. Hell, I could barely walk, much less keep up with what the dr. was saying. I was just interested in the drugs to make me stop vomiting. I can tolerate feeling like someone beat me all over with a baseball bat, but the puke thing makes me even sicker. I have a weak stomach normally! I got my drugs and doped up and slept for 2 days. I awoke this morning feeling dazed and confused, but tummy is a bit happier. If I wrote any entries on ya'lls blogs, returned phone calls or emails, I apologize for anything I said as I was way out of it.

Good news for me....I am winning my bet with Utenzi. He said I could not go a week without my dating site fix....well, I am a couple days shy of that goal and I have not even been tempted! Hmmm....now what was I going to get when I won (oh, I think you know exactly what I want!)???? Guess you can pay up on your long overdue vacation coming up. I will be waiting......

Labels: Bet, Sick, Utenzi

Labels: Graveyard