I had started a post about my weekend journey, when I got roped into a chat with none other than Biker Dude. It is far more entertaining than my tales from NJ so I decided to post portions of the chat.

BikerDude (5:09 PM): Well, what can I say, that was really good as I remember. I was thinking about you when passing by the house today, and yes the conversation does helpBikerDude (5:18 PM): Well, I have to go and so do you. It was nice talking to you. thanks.


I swing between the two opinions that he just wants a booty call or he would really like to get back together. Not that he will get either. I really don't feel any satisfaction at this point if he is actually pining away for me and not just the sex. Maybe he just needs a listening ear, but he gave up the right to have my listening ear. So, how do you tell him to move on with his life without being mean?

Labels: Biker Dude

My cousin Jen can be a slave driver and this weekend proved no exception. Frankly, if I am not busy in some sort of activity I tend to fall asleep, so Jen's ways are quite compatible with mine. I worked side by side with Jen to get the house and yard prepped for Cutie-Patootie Ryan's party. I made food and I helped with decorations. I even managed to keep my shoes on for most of my visit. Those Yanks like to keep their shoes on and well, the southern custom I have really taken to is the shoes off one.

Enter the guests.

After the hugs and conversations with various cousins and an aunt by marriage, I realized that I was the sole single woman at the party. I was surrounded by yuppie families either on the cusp of the 2.5 kid dream or there already. Grandparents, parents, and kids abound--and then there was me. I realized that once again I was the odd girl out. No hubby and no kiddies!

My past experiences in same situations told me to avoid all the men unless I was related to them. Women get weirded out when there is a single woman at a non-single person event. They tend to view the single gal as being there to scout for a man of her own. I don't get that rationale. I guess there are women who are desperate enough to look for married man, but to me they are just trouble. (Besides, I have my own on again-off again fling with Lovah not that the guests knew about him). Anyway, because of the weird vibes my married "sistahs" tend to send out, I was left with just a few non-relative choices to spend my time with: the older crowd and the kiddies. I drifted between both groups. I yukked it up with the older ones about something or another and I blew bubbles with the kiddies. A few of the mothers drifted over to speak for a minute or two, but basically I was on my own. I survived the party by taking a few breaks and slipping up to my bedroom to call Lovah or email him or just cruise the internet for a little sanity.

It was a lovely party, a good time was had by all, the food was exquisite, and I even got to hold and coo over a cute baby. I like being able to indulge my desire to be near babies because I do think they are adorable and fascinating, but the thought of changing diapers and doing the early a.m. feedings....not so much a desire I have.

Suburbia and Sassy are just not compatible! Give me the city, give me my lovely apartment, give me other singles to mingle with. Once upon a time, I wanted the suburbia dream with 2.5 kids, but that ship sailed so long ago. My current dreams include a stable loving man, a lot of travel, a Masters, and very successful business(es). I woke up to some anxiety attacks while in Jersey...my gypsy soul was feeling a bit trapped there.

My camera is in the car or I would post some pics....maybe tonight I will get that done!

Labels: NJ, Suburbia

Once upon a time a little girl was born and her mother delighted in dressing her like a doll in frilly dresses and petticoats. The mother also warned dire consequences should anyone shorten the name of her beloved daughter. "Her name is Sassy-Leigh and that is what she will be called by one and all or else".... *sigh* and still this name persists after 30+ years.

No amount of cajoling, pleading, or begging will get any of the relatives up here in NJ to call me Sass or Sassy. Oh no, it is Sassy-Leigh always. I wish I wouldn't notice, but frankly no one down south ever calls me Sassy-Leigh and even mom shortened to Sassy eventually except when she was mad at me. I feel like a little kid when I am called Sassy-Leigh. Although, it is kinda cute in an annoying sort of way to hear everyone refer to me as Sassy-Leigh. Only my little cousin Ryan appears to be trainable as he calls me Cousin Sassy. Maybe he will get the others to follow his lead!

Many amusing anecdotes and photos to follow tomorrow or the next day. I am so damn tired....the drive up and then full steam ahead helping my cousin Jen with party prep. Tomorrow should be a little more relaxing--with the exception of the 1 hour each way crap shoot drive on the Jersey Turnpike. The out of state license tag is like waving a red flag at a bull! God save the Sassy-Leigh!

Labels: NJ, Sassy-Leigh

Okay, the title is a little corny and makes no sense unless you watched SNL when Joe Pesci was on it. I am a Jersey girl. I was born there, but not raised there. Really you cannot take the Jersey out of a girl--ever. I have that sass attitude that attached itself to me at birth if my mother is to be believed.

I developed the ability to change accents as a protection growing up. A "Damn Yankee" girl living in the south was a ripe target for being beaten up on the playground and bus. So out came the "ya'lls" and long drawn out syllables to blend in. It drove my mother nuts at the dinner table and my older brother and I had to speak "proper" at home. When I would go up north to visit the relatives on holidays and for the summer, I became the target of mockery for my "southern drawl" so I quickly learned to adapt my accent to the south Jersey snappy accent. Talk about split personalities!

I have fond memories of my summers with my grandma and grandpa in Elizabeth, NJ. My grandma would throw me a birthday party in conjunction with July 4th since I was never there on my birthday. I guess I got a little spoiled and I thought the fireworks were all for me ;). My nemesis was my friend Lisa's brother: Little Ricky. Ricky is my age and he has blonde, blue-eyed good looks. He tortured me constantly--pulled my hair, chased me on his bike, and once he even kissed me. I hated him, yet I liked the attention (ah, the eternal man-woman dynamic). Looking back, I do believe Ricky had a crush on me and was doing his best to let me know.

Then there was a boy named Kyle. I adored Kyle and Kyle adored me, but alas, summer loves never last very long. There are probably a few more boys in the mix there, but I am drawing a blank on them.

When I go to my grandma's house (now my cousin Scott's house) and wander the neighborhood, I see ghosts of summers past everywhere I turn. I go see Little Ricky's mother and sister and catch up on the neighborhood gossip. Hell, I might even get to torture Little Ricky some myself when I see him next. Apparently, he has become quite the Lothario! His mother had a wicked gleam in her eye when I spoke with her last. I imagine Little Ricky will be getting a call to come over ASAP when I turn up this weekend. Should be interesting. It was always fun to knock him down a peg or two.

And the food! My god! I do miss the pizza and bagels!!!!! There is the best pizza shop a couple of blocks from my cousin's house, Elizabeth Pizza, and I plan to get a few slices while I am in the neighborhood. I just love the bagels that are the size of salad plates...hmmmm...and a cup of thick sludgy coffee. My stomach is growling just thinking of it. I also love the diners there. Yummy yummy! The south has never really caught on to the diner craze and I think that is a shame...24/7 for greasy food, bad coffee and a place to hang out...what more could you ask for?

I will be spending some time at the shore: Brick, NJ. I lived briefly in Lakewood/Brick area of NJ. I have some fond memories of another boy (and my first love, Richie) in that neighborhood. I won't be seeing him this go round. I will be visiting the cousins on the other side of the family while I am there. Thank goodness I will be close to the shore to absorb some of the beachiness I am pining for.

I am so excited about getting to see cousins on both the paternal and maternal side of the family. It has been roughly two years since I was up there and I had the ex in tow so it was not all that wonderful for me then. This time I am footloose and fancy free and looking for a bit of r&r. My cousin Jen is having a birthday party for her little boy who is turning three. Jen is younger than me, but we look so much alike we could be twins. We even sound alike--despite the faint southern drawl in my voice. You can't tell our voices apart after about 10 minutes of us being together. It is really cool.

Hope ya'll and you'ins have a wonderful weekend! I will be back on Tuesday with some adventures from Joisey.

Labels: accents, crushes, food, Jersey Girl, Little Ricky, NJ

I finally heard from the professor on my grade for my graduation paper and yep! it is a gigantic A folks!!! Doing a happy dance! I am on the Dean's List and my GPA is 3.762. Woo hoo!!

Now I just have to continue to plow through such words as chromatin, covalent shell, RNA, DNA, ribosomes, chromosomes, consumer, producer, nucleus, and the table of elements. I am just so not into biology....give me verbs and adjectives, give me sentence structure to analyze, but this science stuff--yikes! Utenzi, you could be a good blog buddy and coach me on this stuff to help me pass my CLEP. I will take ya out to dinner if you help me pass. Well, anyone else out there that wants to coach me--the same offer stands.

Labels: CLEP, school

Whoa doggie! Texas is not a state I plan to visit anytime soon. With my propensity to purchase and use vibrators I might find my ass in jail! This story from 2003 really makes me wonder whether Texas is part of the "free nation" we belong to. Sure, you can carry around all the fire power you want, but don't you dare sell and explain how to use a Rabbit to a desperate housewife! What the hell is up with that? I guess the "real" men of Texas are offended that a woman might actually need some additional stimulation to have a good time in bed (or wherever). Lifting my glass (and Rabbit) to Joanne Webb and the company she sells (sold?) for, Passion Parties, for displaying courage under an ignorant state of mind. The short of it is if Joanne displayed "novelty items" without an explanation she would not have violated the obscenity law. Instead, she approached the subject of vibrators like an adult and presented it as such to consenting adults. She was "promoting" the use of vibrators. Promoting = bad, selling = ?

According to my search, the judge dropped the charges against her in July 2004. I just wonder if Joanne is still selling products in Texas. Anyone hear the happily ever after on this?

I hope all women in Texas will rise up and support the cause: the freedom to sell and explain "the use and purpose" of vibrators! Go forth & book some Passion parties and buy a few toys. I bet it is easier to buy an automatic weapon in Texas than it is to purchase a vibrator. (I just want to make it clear that I am in no way associated with Passion Parties or Joanne Webb--just supporting a cause).

Here's looking at you Texas:

Labels: rabbit, Texas, Vibrators

I have made some wonderful friends since I began blogging, but I have rarely had the opportunity to meet them in person. I had a great weekend for many reasons, but the main reason it was such a good weekend:


That is David. We have been reading each other's blogs for about two years now. I love his wit and humor. It is serious wicked! Not only did I meet David, I met his lovely wife Renee and his two smashingly gorgeous daughters:


It is amazing the amount of stories you can accumulate in just a few hours. I sat next to David's youngest daughter and we had an unfortunate incident with some lemon juice and her eye, compliments of me. Of course, David turned that into quite the humorous story. I will leave that to him to relate. I finally got to hear Renee's side of some of the stories dear ole David posts on his blog. I really hope he gets over this writer's block thingy because I so miss his posts (HINT)!
Ryan went with me and we were both laughing about our lunch with the family on the drive home. Then we realized that they live very close to Natchez, which is the setting for the books we have been reading by Greg Iles . Hmmm....you guys may end up with some guests on your doorstep one day...I have have never been to Natchez!

Ryan and I stopped at a really cool place on our way out of Pigeon Forge. David and his family recommended it, but I think we would have stopped regardless because we thought the building was intriguing. The place is Wonderworks and it is billed as an amusement park for the mind. This is what the place looks like:



If you go to my flickr box on my sidebar, you can see some of the really cool art they have there. This place was incredible. David, you were so right about that tunnel...I thought I was going to fall on my ass! I was all scrunched up against the railing and holding on for dear life! It was a bit disappointing that several of the exhibits we were interested in were broken, but the art section was my favorite. I could have stayed there for hours more than we did.

Now, I just need to convince Utenzi & Roselle to meet me! I will definitely be meeting up with Mz Bohemia when she gets stateside again (although if business takes off like it looks like it is, I might just need to take a research trip to Spain!).

Labels: blog buddies, David, wonderworks

I was so excited! I had waited such a long time for this and I dressed to the nines for maximum effect. I was not disappointed either.

Last Saturday, my yoga class had planned a surprise bridal shower for Martha. It was arranged that Martha's daughter would bring a change of clothing for Martha. We all showed up in yoga clothes. I didn't but I was ready with the excuse that I had a date immediately after yoga and would not have time to change. Martha was a bit perplexed when we did not rush immediately into the class. We sat around in the lounge area chatting up. When her daughter and granddaughter came in she was immediately suspicious. Then Jim came in looking for her. Martha pointed at me and said "that is Martha, deal with her". Jim then announced that he was her chauffer driver and there to whisk her off to brunch. The look on her face was wonderous.

We all finally gathered on the sidewalk next to the limo. It was a Ford Excursion and it was sweet! I was so excited I was bouncing on the seat since I had never been in a limo before and losing my virgin status in this darling car was worth the wait. We all felt like royalty as we drove through downtown and people turned and stared. It was fun to be the recipient of the squints as people tried to determine if a movie star was in town. I took pictures with my phone, but they just did not turn out at all :( but this is what the inside looked like:

This is what the limo looked from the outside:

We pulled up to the luxury hotel and exited like the royalty we chose to be that day. We were escorted to our private dining suite off the main dining room for our celebration. Jadey & I tossed back a mimosa (this hotel is known for its mimosas) while our companions sipped coffee and juice. By the sounds of the laughter alone, I would say a good time was had by all. Jim the chauffer joined us for brunch and he regaled us with tales of driving Elton John, Kid Rock, Tim Conway, and a host of others.

This must be the Year of the Limo on some strange astrologic calendar as I will get to ride in a limo again in September when my dear Ryan gets married. So my 39 year old dryspell with regard to limos has come to an end and I must say, I could get used to riding in one frequently. Hmmm....maybe I will save my pennies and hire a limo for a ride up the Blue Ridge Parkway come fall when the colors change...I can see it now...a pitcher of mimosas, a quiet Sunday morning, a special someone by my side, a box of Godivas and all of it together in a limo! Woo baby sounds like a plan to me.

Labels: Limo

That is one of my favorite lines from Nottinghill. Strictly speaking, this is not about kebabs, but I always wanted to use that line in a post so I am going to make it work.

I am a bit shy with Lovah still. It is really quite odd since he speaks as if I have the body of a goddess. Quite contrary to past lovers, I don't wander around nude. In fact I usually wear my sexy bits of fabric to bed & toss them off from under the covers (weird, huh?). Lovah finds this quirk of mine funny (and perhaps endearing, but who can say for sure--maybe just annoying).

Lovah and I were lounging in bed this past Sunday when we started fooling around a bit. We were both fully clothed. When he whispered in my ear what he wanted to do to me/for me to energize me before I started dinner, I jumped off the bed and ran for the bathroom. I was not putting in a diaphragm or shaving my legs...I wanted to surprise Lovah. I stripped down, opened the bathroom door and took a flying leap onto the bed & onto Lovah. He was definitely surprised as I have never done that before...the look on his face was priceless. I got my treat in spades!!! It was so worth the streaking incident to see his face! He still can't stop talking about it and I can't stop smiling about the results.

Labels: Kebabs, Lovah

I am wearing some very lovely summer slides today. They are a plummy color with gold accents. I love them! However, just a few minutes ago, as I walked across the production floor at my client's place, I discovered something disturbing about them. I kept hearing what sounded like muffled Chihuahua yips coming from behind and it took a minute for it to register that the yips corresponded with each foot fall. Grrr....I hate squeaky shoes. Even worse the slurpy noises that can happen when wearing sandals without some sort of foot covering. There is nothing more annoying in a pair of shoes than the strange noises that emanate from them (except maybe spending a small fortune on the "comfortable fitting" shoes to find out that they hurt after a few hours).

I love to purchase shoes from Zappos.com because you can read reviews from other shoppers. I have found some fabulous and comfortable shoes this way. I don't believe there is a category for noisy shoes though! Maybe I need to suggest that to the fine folks at Zappos. I guess there is that lone person who likes to wear noisy shoes, but I cannot fathom why. I really want to know beforehand if I can expect to sound like a tub toy as I walk down the hall.

I guess just sign me "Squeaky Sassy" today.

Labels: Shoes, Zappos

I am a wreak! The paper was sent back to me with a note about it not being long enough....I expected that and it was not an issue. However, what tee'd me off was the report he attached to the end of my paper. He uses a service called turnitin.com that looks for plagiarism. Despite the fact that everything in my paper is cited properly, this "service" still found phrases that it considers plagiarized because a particular phrase can be found verbatim. For example: "scandals of Enron and WorldCom have highlighted the need for" this was flagged as being plagiarized. Frankly, how in the hell can you find a sentence with Enron and WorldCom in it that has not been written elsewhere? How can you re-write this sentence without tripping onto the phrase elsewhere? Maybe I could slip this in: "scandals of WorldCom and Enron have highlighted the need for more oral sex to relieve tension". Do you think the professor would notice? His damn turnitin.com would fer sure because it will point to this site as being a primary source....even if I properly credit the sentence with: According to the Glitter whore...blah blah blah...

I should have this damn thing finished tonight and I guess I am just going to have to take my chances with the evil elves at turnitin.com. I rewrote the phrases he highlighted (except for the Enron one) and pray dear god that I somehow have not plagiarized someone in my rephrasing.
Then I get to start trying to cram in Biology into a brain full of business stuff. I bought a kid's illustrated encyclopedia to aid in this endeavor. I am hoping that pictures coupled with the words will make enough of an impression to get me through the CLEP on the 20th. I have it on good authority that the encyclopedia is pretty good so I hope it is good enough to help me pass so I can have an enjoyable summer.

Hope ya'll had a great weekend!

Labels: CLEP, school

Yesterday was a mix of fun and a little bit of a bitchy mood at the end of the day. My dear friend Ryan invited me to spend the day with her family and I did. We had some really yummy food and it was fun to watch the water balloon fights rage on. We even went to see Transformers, which is a neat movie and I enjoyed it.

The bitchiness came in when we walk outside the movie theater last night to a sky full of exploding fireworks. It brought back a 10 year old memory of my first kiss with the ex-hub. We were hanging together on July 4th in Denver. We were saying goodbye when he swooped in for a kiss and fireworks went off overhead. It was a joke between us that we saw fireworks when we had our first kiss. Such a sweet memory if I could erase the 8 years of hellish marriage that followed. I could still feel the softness of that kiss on my lips last night and it made me sad. Then I got mad at myself for feeling sad about that long gone memory. That memory may never fade and it will certainly crop up every year on the 4th. I resent that! I do so want to leave the past behind, but it takes something like this to make me realize that for better or worse I will carry that visceral memory with me probably to the grave.

I think next 4th of July I am going to plan something really awesome--a trip somewhere with someone special and we will have some mind blowing sex and maybe, just maybe, when I see fireworks as I have the big O, the memory of the kiss will explode into a shower of colors that fades quickly in the decent to earth.

The good news is my paper is done and being reviewed! Yeah! Now I just have to hit the books and cram for the next 15 days for the biology exam on the 20th.

A ghost from the graveyard popped up this evening: Joseph sent me an IM to tell me how sexy I am and that he hoped I was doing well.....hmmm wonder if a phone call will be next? Maybe this is his warning shot before he comes charging out of the gate full force.

Labels: Joseph, July 4th, memories

I am exhausted! I am down to the last 5 pages or so of my paper, plus I need to study pretty intensely between now & 7/20 when I take my CLEP for Biology in the hopes of avoiding any more school between now & November. Of course, I am not about to sacrifice my social life for such things so I have been burning the candle at both ends and I am feeling every bit of the exhaustion. I barely made it through yoga & modern dance yesterday I was so wrung out.

Psst--wanna hear some gossip? Turns out Bible Boy is a sex offender. That is right folks! I need to start checking the men out on the internet before I go out with them! Yikes! He was in my apartment a lot! I am hoping my information is incorrect...I did not see him on the 'net under registered sex offenders so I am not sure what this information means. My friend Bea got an email from him on the dating site I set her up on & coincidentally she was at a local restaurant that evening and Bible Boy was the waiter. Another friend with her said he had rented from him in the past and had run a background check on him and that it popped up he was a registered sex offender. This was 13 years ago, so maybe the friend was mistaken. It gives me the willies and really makes me want to rethink the whole online dating thingy. Silly really, because you can meet someone through friends and he could have the same type of past.

It is interesting to me to see the different facets of my personality, neurosis, etc. react to the different men I have dated or are dating. With Joseph I got real quiet and lost the laughter. With Hot College Guy & 27A I got real smart-assy and a "take no shit" attitude. I won't even get into the ex-husband as I completely disappeared from myself with that bastard. With Lovah I am almost militant in my need to preserve my heart--poor guy! I know he is not seeing the real Sassy-Assy but I have not been able to let my guard down completely yet for that to happen. He so carefully analyzes people, conversations, and the like that I often feel like I am under a microscope and I don't like the feeling. Much like an animal in the wild I find the camouflage naturally comes out--sort of like a porcupine...all prickly all the time. Oddly enough, despite this yucky love/emotional stuff, I feel completely comfortable with him. How crazy is that!

Labels: Bible Boy, dating, Lovah, school