Yesterday was a mix of fun and a little bit of a bitchy mood at the end of the day. My dear friend Ryan invited me to spend the day with her family and I did. We had some really yummy food and it was fun to watch the water balloon fights rage on. We even went to see Transformers, which is a neat movie and I enjoyed it.

The bitchiness came in when we walk outside the movie theater last night to a sky full of exploding fireworks. It brought back a 10 year old memory of my first kiss with the ex-hub. We were hanging together on July 4th in Denver. We were saying goodbye when he swooped in for a kiss and fireworks went off overhead. It was a joke between us that we saw fireworks when we had our first kiss. Such a sweet memory if I could erase the 8 years of hellish marriage that followed. I could still feel the softness of that kiss on my lips last night and it made me sad. Then I got mad at myself for feeling sad about that long gone memory. That memory may never fade and it will certainly crop up every year on the 4th. I resent that! I do so want to leave the past behind, but it takes something like this to make me realize that for better or worse I will carry that visceral memory with me probably to the grave.

I think next 4th of July I am going to plan something really awesome--a trip somewhere with someone special and we will have some mind blowing sex and maybe, just maybe, when I see fireworks as I have the big O, the memory of the kiss will explode into a shower of colors that fades quickly in the decent to earth.

The good news is my paper is done and being reviewed! Yeah! Now I just have to hit the books and cram for the next 15 days for the biology exam on the 20th.

A ghost from the graveyard popped up this evening: Joseph sent me an IM to tell me how sexy I am and that he hoped I was doing well.....hmmm wonder if a phone call will be next? Maybe this is his warning shot before he comes charging out of the gate full force.

Labels: Joseph, July 4th, memories