Fatman you can rest easy...all bets are off and the dating ditties will resume directly. I know you missed all the tales.

So the Sassy-Joseph dynamic just could not sustain under the pressure of the imitation of a real life. We did the mutual parting ceremony tonight which will be followed up by a brief blip at his apartment on Sunday as I gather the handful of belongings I left there. Well, the upside is no more drama and the downside is the sexlife is as pallid as ever. I guess I should be grateful that the last several months included more sex than any of the 38 years prior.

On a brighter note, my hair is getting longer and blonder. It should be the perfect length for Ryan's wedding in the fall for a girly swirly up-do. I am interviewing escort candidates for the big event so get your application in early all you single guys (yeah...I see that line being on the short end of long). Oh well, I have never had a date for a wedding so why break that lifelong cycle now? Just give me several bottles of champagne and I will dance the night away with my invisible friend Fred.

Labels: Biker Dude, Endings, Graveyard, Joseph

I have been formulating my wish list for what I want out of a man in a relationship:

1. Very attentive
2. A good listener
3. Either no children or grown children
4. Good in bed
5. No "road" or "life" rage
6. Even tempered 98% of the time
7. Calm and peaceful
8. Excellent sense of humor
9. Sense of adventure
10. Likes to travel
11. Either likes to dance or is willing to go have fun trying
12. A good conversationalist
13. Has a good job/decent wage earner
14. Demonstrates a romantic gesture from time to time
15. Willing to spend time with my friends
16. Respects my opinion, cares what I think
17. Give and take--not all take, all the time
18. At least as intelligent as me
19. Not a picky eater
20. Honest with self and me
21. Takes pride in appearance
22. Enjoys sex and wants it as much as I do


There is probably a bunch more I could write and when I look at my list I wonder if someone like that exists. I hope so. I don't think I am asking for the moon or for more than I have to offer to someone. I guess I am posing the question to my blogger buds--am I being unrealistic? Am I expecting perfection? I just want someone who is right for me and based on my experiences this is what I am looking for.

Labels: dating, men, relationships

My boob-lovin' friend Dave Meme'd me so here it goes on 5 things you don't know about me:

1. I was a waitress at Chi Chi's (anyone remember this place?)for one night. I crash landed a tray containing 5 fajita platters all over the dining room and I fled the restaurant in embarrassment.

2. I was frightened of red turtlenecks growing up.

3. I wore my first bikini when I was 3 while in Acapulco, Mexico (I was a cutie!).

4. I failed every math test in algebra and had to be tutored. My teacher allowed me to retake every test and I made a passing grade.

5. I am totally crushing right now on this Brit I met. Those sexy accents!!!!!!! Whoo baby!

Go, thrive, prosper with these nuggets of information.

Labels: Dave, meme, Sassy-baby

I am not a cold weather person. I hate snow. Okay, I don't hate it, but if I had to decide between the tropics or Arctic Circle, the tropics will win out hands down.

Joseph, his girls, his brother, a friend, and I went to a well-known ski resort in WV over the weekend. When I tell you that the four year old started up with the "Are we there yet?" about 15 minutes into the trip (this, despite having a dvd player and 50+ movies to watch), that should give you a good idea of how the entire adventure went. This was just a day trip thank God! We got to the ski resort (finally) in the beginnings of a mini-blizzard. I was not along to ski, snowboard, or snow tube. I was pure arm candy with my full-length faux leopard coat garnering some approving glances from this group of Latinos in the bar. I brought some trash mags, a Janet Evanovich novel, and my laptop. I was rubbing my hands thinking of the blissful hours I would have alone while 1/2 the group snowboarded and the rest (Joseph & Mandy) played in the snow. This was not to be, alas! I had a screaming 4 year old and a very grumpy-fighting-off-the-flu-40-year-old. Frankly, as I sat there watching Mandy throw herself on the floor in a tantrum and Joseph so ill as he looked like he was going to pass out, I just wanted to be...elsewhere. Specifically, a place with pink beaches, brilliant blue water, a hammock, a private waterfall, a cabana boy named Nick to cater to all my whims, and a never ending supply of French martinis. That is how I coped with the trip from hell. It was so bad that Joseph asked me the next morning as I headed out to work whether I intended to come back--ever.

I just don't get the whole ski thing. I see myself in a full-body cast when I contemplate strapping two very slick, tiny pieces of wood to my feet and racing down a hill trying to avoid trees, rocks, and other skiers. I mean experienced people have died skiing and I have trouble walking down a flight of steps without landing on my face I am so klutzy. I just can't do body cast with three flights of steps greeting me each day when I come home. And don't get me started on the cold and wet! I am a water baby--a warm, beachy water baby. Give me Hawaii, Aruba, Tahiti and I am yours forever.

I did get two compliments from Joseph this weekend: he told me that I have spectacular breasts and that I was "Total Package". He said it just doesn't get any better than me because I am real special and sweet. So that sort of rescued the charred remains of the weekend. Maybe my cabana boy will be named Joseph.

Labels: boobs, Joseph, Mandy, skiing

Whew! Survived the weekend!!!! I started to work for a new client and it went very well and it looks like this project may result in more work. Woo hoo!

Joseph finally spoke to me and gave me details on what is going on with him regarding his perpetual bad mood. It appears he has been very ill and trying to hide it. We are hoping it is simply walking pneumonia or bronchitis. Anyway, he told me he looks forward to every minute he spends with me and that I am a haven from stress. He also has promised a post-Valentines romantic weekend when my schedule frees up. So he has been saved in the eleventh hour from the Sassy Dating Graveyard. He has been very affectionate and more attentive since our conversation.

Speaking of STBS Day, I got a Valentine's balloon today...from the office Lothario. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain. You see Lothario is 45+ and married. He is carrying on an affair with the 20 something engaged receptionist (aka Half-Wit). Discretion is really not a part of their vocabulary as everyone knows about the affair, but they have fooled themselves into thinking that it is on the downlow. It must be this frame of mind that prompted Lothario to buy all the ladies he works with a balloon so he could also buy Half-Wit a balloon with no comment. I wanted to hurl when he gave it to me, but I smiled and thanked him ever so sweetly as he stared down my blouse the whole while. Ah, true love!

Saturday was a fun day as I took Joseph's teen on a beauty day. We got massages, manicures, pedicures, and eyebrow waxes. When we were done with our day of beauty we hooked up with Joseph and his best friend for dinner. We went to Outback and we sat at the bar because of the 2 hour wait for a table. While we were waiting for our food, the teenager got a call from her current love interest so she disappeared to talk to him and that left an empty seat between me and Grizzly Adams. Grizzly took a shine to me and was working hard to pick me up despite the clear evidence that I was with Joseph (was it the kissing that gave that away????). Well, Joseph thought the situation was hysterical and told me I could always ditch him for Grizzly.

It must have been my weekend for pickups because the next night, Joseph, teen, & I went out to dinner and this guy comes in with his pre-teen daughter and is seated next to us. He starts talking to us, but mainly he spoke to me and looked only at me and flirted with me. Again, I am clearly with Joseph so I am wondering "What the ????". As I am looking and talking to this guy I am thinking he looks a bit familiar...it was not until I got home that evening that I realized he was one of the internet potential dates that I kicked to the curb when Joseph came along--OOPS! I don't think Joseph found the second attempt to pick me up while with him quite so humourous, but I sure did!

Last night I got roped in by my friend Jadey to teach her fitness class. I tell you--it has been a million years since I have done that and I felt so awkward. Fortunately, I had some help and the ladies in the class were very forgiving AND I think I may have found a dance partner. Rob, a personal trainer, works for my friend Jadey. He helped me with the fitness class last night. Anyway, he is a luscious piece of arm candy with an incredible body, handsome face, and Sweet! He wants to learn ballroom dance so we may be doing a trade--personal training sessions for dance lessons. We shall see how that all falls together. I can get a buff bod and he can learn how to impress the ladies on the dance floor--works for me!

Lastly, a note to my very own Pirate: I hope your mum is doing okay and I am thinking of you often.

Labels: dating, exercise, Joseph

I have been negligent in congratulating my dear friend Ryan on her upcoming nuptials in September. I was cruising through her wedding website and low & behold I read something under the wedding party section that has brought tears to my eyes. One of the sweetest things ever said about me is found on her site:

"Sassy - Bridesmaid

Bride's side, Dear and True Friend

Sassy and I met the first night of our first class at school and we have been class partners and friends throughout the whole school process. She is highly motivated and detailed when it comes to work and school. She is silly and funny when it comes to life. She has great style and flair and she is like the sun and fresh air when you have been inside all winter! She has been through a lot of tough stuff in her life and yet, she is the most positive and upbeat person that I know. She is a true friend in a world where so many people aren't true at all!"

Wow! I can't tell you how much that means to me Ryan. What a sweetie you are and I am ever so thankful that we have met because you have been a port in my storms.

I am so excited that you finally got your wish and have set the wedding date. I also want to thank you for picking elegant and beautiful dresses for us to wear in the wedding. We should both be nice & skinny by September! Chris sure is a lucky guy!

Labels: friends, Ryan

Well, my Sunday gal-pal day really energized me. I am radiating massive positive energy. I worked out for two hours, got a massage, had Japanese food, and went to a movie with my friend Jadey. She reminded me that it is crucial to do some things just for Sassy so I have something to give back to others and how true those words are proving. I also worked out for two hours last night. I feel awesome!

Awesome and conflicted. I am at a crossroads with Joseph. I adore him, but I don't think he will ever open his heart to me. I don't care about wedding rings or such types of commitment, but I do care about a commitment of the heart. I know he cares about me, but I want love. Yes, I said the "l" word. I want it and he does not feel that for me. No, he has not said that (and what sane person would), but his biggest compliment to me is saying "You are so cool to hang with". Maybe, some of you guys will defend him and say that is the kin to saying he loves me, but I won't believe you. The sex is incredible, but it is not enough for me. I need the affection, the attention that he either can't or won't give me. We are only in the 3rd month and the honeymoon appears over and I think that is too soon by any standard. He has some personal problems that seem to stand shadow over us and I feel alone. Valentine's Day never really meant something to me, but my heart dropped when he said he did not want to do cards, candy, flowers--nothing. I don't care about $100 bouquets or a truckload of Godiva, but a small gesture, well that would have more meaning and I am to be deprived of even that...without a say in the matter. I hate how Valentine's day makes singles feel...it truly is a "Sucks to be single" holiday. Someone should blow up Hallmark!

Perhaps, the timing is good for a slow peeling away because with tax season heating up, I am getting very busy and I have my exercise/health goals re-established. Plus my new business needs some serious attention if I am to make it a success and I only have three classes and a major project to finish up school. I have also neglected girlfriends and I hate that. I recently read an article that said single women in their late 30's - 50's are happier than their married counterparts because they keep something that the marrieds don't--their female friendships. I am a firm believer in keeping my female friends because they are often there when the man is long gone. I value my female friends and I have not been the type of person to diss my single female friends when I am with someone. So I am revising my schedule--less Joseph, more Sassy & friend time. I realized on Sunday that I was lacking the energy, spark, passion that makes me Sassy and that indeed, attracted Joseph in the first place.

I am looking for a new dance partner...headed to Charlotte NC for this particular fix. My friend Jadey and I are expanding our horizons and have revitalized our dream to go to Argentina to dance the Argentine tango there. I have missed my dancing something fierce and I want to get that back into my life.

So this is a bittersweet post. A life lesson that continues to blossom and for once, I am going to embrace this and go with it wherever it takes me. I am not heartbroken and that is a good feeling, but I know what I want and I no longer want to compromise that with false hopes that things will be different tomorrow or the next day. I can't control someone else, only myself. I don't want to control Joseph...his heart is his to give or not and if he chooses not, well, it is time for me to take my leave because I want heart/soul/body/mind. I have had the crumbs, I want the whole loaf and I know that somewhere out there is a man willing to give that to me without fears, reservations, circumstances. I am willing to wait for that man to appear and I know he will come because my energy my heart is sending out that signal.

Labels: Joseph, love

Labels: Cheesecake Grin, memories, photos, Sassy-baby

So last nite at dinner, Joseph and I split a pizza and a pitcher of beer--both of which I love. Now Joseph insisted we equally split the pitcher of beer, not because he was worried about the waste of it, but because he knows I get the giggles when I drink too much. So, here is another secret I will let you in on--sex has the same tendency as too much drink---I get the giggles. Anyway, the giggles I got (from the beer) and Biker Dude capitalized on that with his witty banter and jokes. My sides hurt from laughing so much and I was crying like crazy! Thank goodness I did not wear mascara yesterday.

My once-upon-a-friend called me again last night to talk for almost an hour--just like old times. This time she made no mention of my conforming to her standards--she just wanted to talk like we once did.

Today, I worked from home in anticipation of 100% frozen precipitation--what a joke! I guess five snowflakes meet the 100% requirement, but I was cheated out of a couple of inches of this stuff. Joseph and I wanted to be snowed in and we got zippo! But the man is cooking his Italian feast for me tonight and he assures me that some bedroom action is assured so the night will be a success by any standard.

On another note, my Keurig B-50 died. I guess Joseph and I have put it through its paces. Being a convenience girl, I decided to shop Ebay and buy another one rather than deal with warranty issues. The coffee maker is mere months old, but who the hell knows where the receipt is. So I upgraded and the seller tells me that they have sold out and he is sending me the B-70 Platinum instead for no extra money. That puppy came in yesterday on my out my front door and I will be spending the weekend with Joseph so it will be Sunday before I can take it for a testdrive.

And Sunday---massage day. My friend Jadey is going to hook me up with a great hot stone massage and then we are headed to a pilates class and then the movies. It will be a great girl's day out. I am so looking forward to those plans and I am sure I will need them after fending Mandy's groping hands this weekend and playing an unending game of Candyland, Barbies, and Shrek Operation. Did I mention her father has her hooked on his favorite childhood cartoon of Speed Racer? Ugh! That is all I have to say. I saw episode 2 --count'em--6 times last time the rugrat was visiting. I will be ready for a pitcher of mojitos and some adult conversation about men & sex.

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

Labels: beer, friends, Joseph, sex