This girl is smiling from ear to ear. I got my fill of dancing (not really) and had a great weekend so far. My body is so damn sore though! I need a massage.

The social was the best one we have attended so far. I made some new friends, danced with several of the instructors, avoided the really awful male student who makes up dances, drank lots of wine (Jadey drove us to the hotel afterward), and laughed a lot. My instructor, Nicky, cracked me up especially--we were dancing the Argentine Tango. This means the upper half of our bodies are touching and so my twin gals were smushed into his chest and he looked down at them and back up into my eyes and told me he didn't know if he could handle all that cushioning! Isn't that funny? Or maybe not...I was drinking a lot. I was also wearing a strapless bra--not a good idea when you are a G cup and dancing I found out--I kept popping out of my bra, but not out of my halter top thankfully. That would have been funny too! Since I was so tipsy we went to IHOP afterwards to sober me up a bit. I was stumbling and laughing and laughing and laughing. I am one happy drunk.

This morning I woke up fresh & perky and went off to have two 1-hour dance lessons. Nicky put me through my paces, but when we were done at 12:30 today, I was dancing better than ever. But I have to work on the body mechanics of the dances which means working muscles that have not been used in sooooo long. Yikes! Walking up my three flights of steps when I got home in platform shoes and dragging my luggage--I thought I was going to just tip over in a heap! Instead, I have been sitting on my couch for several hours and relaxing. I really should be studying or doing taxes, but no, sitting on my ass! Cruising the internet, reading blogs, answering emails, downloading virus protection, watching my cat act like she is on crack.

Labels: boobs, dancing, Tango

My friend Jadey gave me and Bea tickets to the musical Menopause the Musical last night. I was looking pretty hot in my cute black mini-skirt and sexy little top with a hint of the phenomenal tits framed in a bit of ruffled purple bra that deliberately peeked through. I had to run an errand in our trendy downtown restaurant/bar area before meeting up with Bea. I managed to catch the eye of five men in one of the trendy bars apparently. The "point man" they sent out to me baffles me though:

I was standing down the block from the bar learning against a building on my cell phone when he approached me and asked if he could use my phone. Well, I was a bit annoyed with this guy right from the get-go and the wall of alcohol fumes emanating from him would have knocked me over had I not been leaning against the wall already. This guy must have been at least 60 and he definitely thought he still had it going on. Anyway, Sassy let the man use her phone to make his "call". I am fairly certain it was a wrong number. As soon as he got off he asked if I was from the area and when I said yes he said he had not seen me around and would definitely notice me. I shrugged waiting to be handed my phone. He then asked if he could buy me a beer and gestured to the aforementioned bar. I glanced over when he gestured and there were no less then 4 of his fellow businessmen gawking at what must be considered the worst pick-up routine of this year. Let's hope they were taking notes of what not to do. Then I realize the old guy could not pry his eyes off the girls and he asked me if I were cold (I had no jacket on). I said I was meeting a friend and had to go. Now, a great scenario would have been: younger man, not sloshed, who came up and said "You caught my eye, may I buy you a drink and get to know you." But nooooo...I get the flakes & psychos. Some things never change (right Diane?)!

I get to Jadey & Bea's business to pick up Bea and I told Jadey my story. She started laughing and said, "Darling, you look positively ravishing with the girls all showcased like that. I am surprised you didn't have a line of men following you down the street for a closer look."

Anyway, Menopause the Musical is funny. I really wasn't sure what to expect, except that I figured the entire female population of my town was going to be there. It was quite funny--especially the last couple of numbers: a very interesting take on the song "Good Vibrations". I am sure the 20 men in the audience were ready to flee in embarrassment.

Have a great weekend my dear blogger buddies!

Labels: boobs, men, worst pick-up ever

I am not a cold weather person. I hate snow. Okay, I don't hate it, but if I had to decide between the tropics or Arctic Circle, the tropics will win out hands down.

Joseph, his girls, his brother, a friend, and I went to a well-known ski resort in WV over the weekend. When I tell you that the four year old started up with the "Are we there yet?" about 15 minutes into the trip (this, despite having a dvd player and 50+ movies to watch), that should give you a good idea of how the entire adventure went. This was just a day trip thank God! We got to the ski resort (finally) in the beginnings of a mini-blizzard. I was not along to ski, snowboard, or snow tube. I was pure arm candy with my full-length faux leopard coat garnering some approving glances from this group of Latinos in the bar. I brought some trash mags, a Janet Evanovich novel, and my laptop. I was rubbing my hands thinking of the blissful hours I would have alone while 1/2 the group snowboarded and the rest (Joseph & Mandy) played in the snow. This was not to be, alas! I had a screaming 4 year old and a very grumpy-fighting-off-the-flu-40-year-old. Frankly, as I sat there watching Mandy throw herself on the floor in a tantrum and Joseph so ill as he looked like he was going to pass out, I just wanted to be...elsewhere. Specifically, a place with pink beaches, brilliant blue water, a hammock, a private waterfall, a cabana boy named Nick to cater to all my whims, and a never ending supply of French martinis. That is how I coped with the trip from hell. It was so bad that Joseph asked me the next morning as I headed out to work whether I intended to come back--ever.

I just don't get the whole ski thing. I see myself in a full-body cast when I contemplate strapping two very slick, tiny pieces of wood to my feet and racing down a hill trying to avoid trees, rocks, and other skiers. I mean experienced people have died skiing and I have trouble walking down a flight of steps without landing on my face I am so klutzy. I just can't do body cast with three flights of steps greeting me each day when I come home. And don't get me started on the cold and wet! I am a water baby--a warm, beachy water baby. Give me Hawaii, Aruba, Tahiti and I am yours forever.

I did get two compliments from Joseph this weekend: he told me that I have spectacular breasts and that I was "Total Package". He said it just doesn't get any better than me because I am real special and sweet. So that sort of rescued the charred remains of the weekend. Maybe my cabana boy will be named Joseph.

Labels: boobs, Joseph, Mandy, skiing

Little Mandy has a fascination with my breasts. One day we were in McPlayHell land and I was just looking around while she was scampering about the slides. The next thing I know the little sprite is beside me and has launched her hand down the keyhole neck of my sweater. I got her under control and looked around to see if anyone noticed her trying to haul my PT's (phenomenal tits for the new readers) out of my bra & sweater--sure enough--a mother was standing in the corner and she smirked and nodded to me as we made eye contact.

So, of course, I tell Joseph about the booby incident and his reply was that his daughter had good taste and it is something he considers doing from time to time!

Anyway, last weekend I was helping Mandy get her jammies on and I was leaning over to get her feet in when I feel a hand down my shirt. She says, "I want to see your red booby thing, all of it, I want to see your boobies". Well, we had to have a conversation about those being MY red booby things and not hers.

Ah, the joys of children. I could understand the obsession if her mother was flat chested, but she is not. I could understand the obsession if Mandy were younger and still breast-feeding. I am afraid to wearing anything other than turtlenecks with her out in public.

She is a sweetie though. When Joseph went to get her last week, she kept asking if I was going to be at his apartment when they got there. When I finally got there, you would have thought I was Queen Sheba with the fab reception I got from her. We played Candyland and Barbies for a while until I needed some adult activities. The next morning she came flying into the bedroom--not to snuggle with daddy--but to snuggle with Sassy. Poor Joseph was feeling a bit put out that she wanted me and not him. I made it a bit of a joke and said to Mandy, "Daddy is being silly...he thinks you love me more than you love him, but we know better don't we?"

Both Joseph & I have been very ill with the nasty cough stuff going around so we have been taking turns looking after each other. His birthday was a little more lowkey than I had planned because we just did not have the energy to do more than sit zombielike on the couch and watch a movie while eating homemade chicken soup.

Well, that is the update from the Sassy domesticland.

Kiss noises to everyone!

Labels: boobs, Joseph, Mandy

We had a great date last night. #1 boy thinks I am a great cook, incredible decorator, and (of course!) adorable. The twins garnered a lot of attention in their showstopping top.

The End

Ryan and I were discussing bad sex today. I commented that bad sex encounters should not count toward anything. If this is true, I think the last time I really had sex was 2000. The sad state of affairs must change, they must! Ryan is going to start a prayer chain for me to get laid. Tee hee!

Labels: Bible Boy, boobs, dating, sex