My date liked the outfit. I tried to do a full body shot in the mirror, but it just wouldn't work!

Labels: vamp

If there is a freak or weirdo in the crowd, I will find him or her. Make no mistake about it...I can provide more than a handful of friends who have seen that dubious mystique in action. Really, I do wish that they would come with a symbol stamped on their forehead as a warning.

Take last night's date for instance. I should have known a 25 year old was trouble, but I thought I would revisit the issue once again. He seemed mature and down with just a date. No messy relationship crap. One thing led to another and a tumble in the sheets happened. It was (I am happy to report) much better than the last encounter I had with a 25 year old. Then as we are (okay, just me, cause I am a wee bit older than him) resting, he starts in on how much he is in serious like of me and wants to spend the entire weekend with me. Bleh! I was ready for him to move it along out of my apartment. But nooooo...we had to discuss icky feeling things. I mean I have no issue discussing those things with someone who matters, but I signed up for the pleasure plan with this guy up front. He changed the rules. Started talking about (ewww) moving in with me, maybe us marrying, would I want to adopt. It was just more than I could handle. It took me about an hour to hussle him to the front door. The only thing I can figure is that ms. pussy has some magic fairy dust malfunction and she is only spewing it with the wrong guys.

So I have a new stalker to add to the cop who still (months later) hasn't got a clue. I am certain as I type this that 25 is hanging out in my parking lot waiting to follow me to the date I was suppose to have tonight.

The postponed date may be another disaster in the making. He is 24 years old and incredibly hot looking. He is looking for a "classy older dominating" woman. He wants someone who will humiliate him by making him do such things like crawl across the floor and lick and kiss her feet. I have no intentions of going there with him, but he might be a valuable source of information for a story I am working on. But...he is hot looking...I put him off until tomorrow when I am (hopefully) thinking a bit clearer with more than 4 hours sleep under my belt. My good friend David thinks I should slap an apron on him and have him alternate between cleaning my apartment and pleasuring ms. pussy orally. Hmmmmm

Labels: 20s

I am listening to the radio this morning and a 19 year old girl called in to the local radio celebs with a problem. She has been with her fiance for 4 years. She wants to propose to her fiance that they have a free pass to see others for a while. She loves her fiance, but has never been with another man. She called to ask their advice on her suggestion.

I am wondering what their qualifications are to help her with her dilemma. Does she also take medical advice from street people???? The radio celebs on any given day sound like they have trouble finding their own front door and these are the people she turns to for advice. Scary!

Hope all of you are doing better than this poor girl!

Happy Holidays!

Labels: relationships

I am not sure what I did that flagged Facebook, but today I started getting targeted with lesbian ads. It is kinda amusing, but I have to wonder what tripped the trigger. I did post a new quote yesterday:

Be yourself--everyone else is already taken - Oscar Wilde

Maybe that is the new motto of the modern lesbian woman?

I embrace my lesbian friends and clients. Live and let live is my motto.

Labels: lesbians

A friend and I went to dinner tonight. We got all dressed up and sparkly because we thought we might go dancing after dinner. We decided to go to a Greek restaurant that just reopened after a huge remodel and it is popular. We didn't make reservations because we have never needed them in the past.

I got to the restaurant before she did. The maitre d informed me that I wouldn't get a table for another 45 minutes or so without a reservation....that is until I took my coat off and he couldn't take his eyes off the impressive cleavage. He mumbled something about finding a table for me and appeared 5 minutes later to escort me to a table. He kept stopping by to make sure we were happy.

I take the "girls" for granted most times, but every once in a while I have to pull out the "big guns" to get things moving along. Yes, I am shameless, but they need to earn their keep.

Labels: Sexy Sassy

I took a day for myself to pamper and primp. I bought some vitamins (very important!) to boost my immune system. I bought some skin care items, I got some luxury bath items and I got a red and silver sparkly mani/pedi. I am going to dinner with a friend then maybe some dancing. Fun stuff!! With tax season rapidly approaching, I don't know when I will get the chance again.

Happy Holidays!

Labels: pretty me up

Such an interesting week where men are concerned.

Met Florida-boy yesterday online. I chatted with him briefly this morning. He flipped his webcam on and he was quite hawt looking. So we chatted on the phone tonight which led to some ummmm extracurricular phone chat...well during the sex talk something quite unusual happened...he kept telling me he loved me and wanted me to say the same thing to him because "it gets him off." It was kinda freaky folks. Hell, I haven't had a man tell me he loves me since sometime during the marital-hades years. It was more than a little disconcerting to hear it from a guy I haven't even really met yet. It was disturbing when he kept asking me to say it like I mean it. Really? You have got to be kidding me...its all I can do to pretend to care if he cums or not. Damn me for getting bored tonight! I gotta get a better hobby.

*****

Better news is that Snarky is planning on visiting me in early January. He says he can't wait too much longer to be with me. Mmmmmmmmm. He sent me a fab picture tonight on my cell phone....gawd he makes me hot n cold and melty all over. I am in serious lust with him and that is more than mutual for him. I love that I distract him so much that he can barely write. I do want him to meet his deadline because that might mean more time with me in January. Did I menton he makes me breathless when we talk on the phone or that he is incredible looking or that he is super smart? I love the fact that he is a published author (and a fabulous writer at that!)....chills n shivers. A bonus is that he said if I wanted help getting published he would do what he could....to use him and his connections in the writing world shamelessly.

Labels: dating, Snarky is the new Sexy

Mmmmmmmm! Had another 4-star date with a guy I went out with back in October.

He is laid-back, funny and he loves to read. I have been attracting men who love to read....there really is nothing sexier to me (okay there is, but that is just awesome). Tonight Greg and I hung out and watched I Am Legend which gave me my Will Smith fix for the day and gave Greg the opportunity to conduct his cynical commentary.

Then he kissed me and man o man can Greg kiss. He loves to kiss, I love to kiss...we made out for who knows how long like a bunch of teenagers. He said not only was I a fantastic kisser, but the impressive cleavage pushed him over the edge. Greg likes real woman curves...they turn him on. I like Greg, he turns me on.

*Cheers* Here is to a beautiful end to a beautiful day....did I mention work is pouring in? So many things to celebrate, gotta love it!

Labels: dating

It has been a long time since I have seen a man's eyes darken with desire and the kisses that are the first and last kisses rolled together in a passionate thrust and parry. Let's not forget the hands drifting softly over the lower back where the waistband dips down and then the hands pull you even closer. Or leaning against a wall with only him to hold you up as you kiss, grope, and undo buttons and zippers. The trail of clothes leading to the bed. The sighs the whispers the moans...oh my!

But I miss the darkening eyes of desire, that drunk-on-you look that intoxicates and makes every inch of me turn to a hot flushed pleasure seeking nymph.

I missed all of that until today that is.....and when I saw his eyes turn an even darker deeper sapphire blue it made me melt. His kisses were simply amazing. He also had the most incredible body of any man I have ever been with. When he pushed me gently into the wall to kiss me a fire roared to life inside me. When I looked into his eyes and they just kept deepening in color it took my breath away.

We went to school together. We have been FB friends for a while. We started a little cyber flirting this week and wheeeeeee! Off we go! All I can say is I am all aglow and my lips have that lovely bee stung look of a girl that has been kissed within an inch of her life.

Labels: Desire

So many contenders, so little sassy patience.

The latest asshole in a long line of many contacted me tonight. We have chatted before months ago, but I never pursued it because he appeared to be passive-aggressive and I just wasn't interested. He didn't seem real interested either. He is a local guy and he is in massage school.

He sent me an IM tonight in response to my status message which said something about needing a massage after spending the day with a client from hell. He said, "I have offered to massage you, so what is your problem?" (My problem, asshole, is that I have never accepted your offer). I didn't reply because I just wasn't in the mood. His next IM message said, "I have a portable table, oils, etc. What more do I need to do?" (How about leave me the fuck alone). His final message said, "Clearly you have no respect for others. Hope you get that massage you need." (I will, from someone who has massaged for more years than you have been alive asshole).

I have two problems with this asshole: his passive-aggressive attitude and the fact that he accused me of not respecting him. For all he knew, I was asleep already or not at my computer. He doesn't know for sure that I was ignoring him; although, given the fact he must know he is an asshole, that is a fair assumption for him to make I guess.

Seriously, are there any decent men left? I don't want anymore Asperger's guys glomming on me (OKC is just rife with them), I am tired of old men who are lonely, I am more than ill with the disrespectful jerks who can't bother to show up for dates they arrange, the married men who are just looking for bootay, the youngsters looking for a sexual goddess to train them in the fine arts of the bedroom, the list goes on.

I am handing out Asshole Awards like they are M&Ms at Halloween.

Labels: assholes

I give up! I truly surrender to the Great Oz who mind-fucks with me about dates. I was stood up (YES! again!) by two men today. Both of whom begged me to meet them....I just cannot fathom it.

I am all too happy to leave 2008 behind--it truly has been a crap shoot year. The Year of Being Stood Up. The irony of it all is that I have never stood up a single guy. I am about done...or past done. We shall see if Snarky manages to show up for our unplanned planned tete a tete. Hell, I am beginning to believe I have a better chance of having a million dollars fall out of the sky and land in my lap...and truth be told, I wouldn't mind that either.

Labels: Dating in Bermuda Triangle

Tonight I was invited to a party with some select friends. I was the first one to the restaurant and I went to the bar area because the plans were sketchy for which section we were going to hang out in. I called and texted everyone to find out where the hell they were cause some old men in the bar were starting to slide their stools my way...ewwwww!

Everyone that could make it arrived late of course. I finally grabbed a waiter I know and had him seat me in the dining room. The waiter really likes me and he decided my cosmos should be considered a high ball so I could get them 1/2 off. He also gave me a nice shoulder massage. What can I say? I am a popular girl!

Our party of 8 shrunk to a party of 3 with illness and mias. Steph, Brian and I kicked back and enjoyed our smaller party. Eventually, our conversation turned to porn. Steph and I compared notes since we both like to watch porn. Brian (wisely as usual) sat back and laughed at us girls. We did not realize, however, that the waiters had been listening in to our conversation. All of the sudden they were glommed around our table asking if they could join in. I guess our point by point discussion of the videos on Adam and Eve versus Skinamax stirred a few swizzle sticks around us.

We were the popular table. In fact, when we moved from the dining room into the bar area, the wait staff followed us. We got a lot of attention and free drinks. Dammit! As I write this I realized I should have given my masseuse/waiter some extra tip. I mean he got 50%, but I really should have given more. I will have to make up for it next time I go in.

Steph and I swapped peeks at the dirty pics that our male friends and acquaintances send to our phones. We did quite a bit of drooling and poor Brian was feeling left out. I sent him a nice cleavage shot to warm him up a bit. He was most grateful!

A fun evening was had by all and Steph sent us home with some delightful goody baskets. I will be breaking into that bad boy in the morning for breakfast. Still waiting on Brian's promised goody *sigh*. He makes his own beer and we are one of the fortunate few that get to snag his spicy seasonal brew...yummers!

Labels: Tis the Season to Be Partying

I love when I meet a man and I connect on multi-levels with him. It always seems to me that the men I connect the most belong to someone else. Point in case, this delicious man I met during late summer. He is snarky, intelligent, and I find him incredibly good looking. He feels the same way about me. We engage in entertaining repartee and we can talk about anything. We have a nice friendship. When we met, he was living in my city, but he temporarily relocated to mid-west. He hopes to be back in early 09. He also has a girlfriend here.

I went looking for him this week because I had a favor to ask him and I realized I had not chatted with him in a long while. He responded to my email with the news of the temporary move back to his hometown and we started chatting regular again. We have had several true confession moments: he told me he has been mega attracted to me from the get-go and I feel the same. We have such a spine-tingling chemistry....we have decided to see each other when he comes back to town at least one date just to see if all this tingle is in person or merely a virtual lust.

I know, I know he has a girlfriend and I struggle with that, but on paper this guy seems like the guy I have been searching for. It may lead to yet another dead end in the dating game, but it is a chance I have to take!

Labels: Snarky is the new Sexy

I had time to think this afternoon in the heavy traffic around the mall area (such a dangerous activity for me). It struck me that when I was married, most of my friends were couples with no kids or they were singles. Now that I am single, most of my friends are marrieds or couples of sorts (deja vu of my first go round in the single world).

It really makes no difference, except in social settings. A couple of my close friends are married and they usually include me in social gatherings. I have noticed that some married women feel strange around single women in the group (and boy does it show). I usually end up hearing about the home front fires and I have nothing to contribute because my life does not involve children or significant others. I am consequently left out of conversations and my mind wanders far far away. The ranks effectively shut me out, without that direct intention I am sure.

Additionally, without a significant other on my arm to squire me about, social gatherings this time of year become awkward...invite Sassy or no? Does she have a plus-one she can bring? I really don't have time at the moment to do more than a hit-or-miss date on rare occasion so I have no one in particular I can rely on to be an escort to these functions....unless I want to end the evening with a bootay call.

As for my single friends, none of them live close by me. I cannot even go out for drinks and commiserate with them on the irony that life dishes out for this single woman. I just promise my single friends this: when I hit the big time or the lotto, we are going on a cruise at holiday time compliments of me....you buy the first round of mojitos though!

Labels: Single