I was in Greensboro, NC, today and I met up with a friend of mine at the Green Bean in downtown G'boro. I have been to the area before with him, but he always drove. I got there thanks to the GPS Bitch--or at least in the vicinity. I still had to find the place. I headed across the parking lot and encountered freaky guy number one (although on hindsight he was probably the most normal of the bunch I encountered). He stared at me right up until we were face to face and then he said, "Girl, you are just a delight for my eyes...mmmmmmmm." I tossed a thank you over my shoulder and kept on going.

This helpful, albeit directionally-challenged, girl sent me in the wrong direction. When I realized it and turned back, I picked up "Homer". Homer clearly had been drinking rather than working all day as he tried to convince me. I couldn't shake Homer because he was determined to see the "little lady" to the Green Bean safely. A block away from the Green Bean, I picked up three more guys in the freak parade...friends of Homer. All very determined to help me. When at last GB came into sight across the street, I ran as fast as my high heels could carry me. Tossing a "Thanks guys" to my disappointed fan club. Thank god they did not follow me in.

Hottie Z--I am telling you, my friend, you have got to be a better bodyguard! Thanks for getting me back to my car without incident. Those lethal Marine skills definitely come in handy at times. Thanks for dinner...guess we need to find the new location of our favorite Mexi place, eh?

I wish I knew what the beacon is that beckons my parade of freaks. It must be a tricky pheromone or the purple streaks in my hair or the cute lil tattoo on my ankle. What a lucky girl I am!

Labels: freaky-deaky, Hottie Z

June is that once in a blue moon month this year....it started out with a full moon and will end with a full moon. According to my friends who follow astrology, Mercury is in retrograde (what the hell does that mean anyway????) and hence, June is ripe for the freaks that have appeared outta nowhere.

I received another IM from a sassy lovah wannabe this week and this is how it went:

Freak: Hey, I'm Joe from Nigeria. You are breathtaking. I am wondering if you want to chat. I would love to get to know such a fine lady as yourself.

SassyAssy: So, are you an expat?

Freak: Er, ah, What?

SassyAssy: Did you move from the US to Nigeria?

Freak: I am African-a black man. I was born and raised here in Nigeria. Does that bother you?

SassyAssy: Really, I could care less what color your skin is or what nationality you are. What bothers me is that you live so far away. I did the long distance romance thingy with the ex-husband and how that ended speaks for itself (at this point I am thinking, Sass....why are you bothering to have this conversation????). I am more than happy to chat a few minutes with you, but I am not interested.

Freak: Well, give me a chance. I won't be like the ex. I will come visit you and I will always treat you good. I won't do anything you don't want.

SassyAssy: No, I am not interested.

Freak: But, why? I will be good to you. I promise. We can make it work.

SassyAssy: I told you, no long distance romance!

Freak: I don't understand

Sassy loses patience here and permanently terminates the conversation. Really, I should have ended it before it began. He is just one of the many freaks that have popped up this week on IM and email. I feel quite the fortunate girl.

Lets hope the date I have with the engineer later this week does not hold true to this form. He is humorless--and an engineer--I really have issues with engineers. I have made quite a few jokes when we chat and they fall to deaf ears. This guy went from "I know I have kids and you aren't looking for a man with kids, but I am just looking to expand my friends. You seem like a nice person and I would like to become friends." So then a few days later he asked me out on a date! I was like, dude, I thought you just wanted to be friends? He got irritated with me (go figure!) and then said, "well, friends go out." So I agreed to go out as a friend; however, it has rapidly become apparent he is more than a little interested in me beyond the friendship variety. I think this will be a fast trip to the sassy graveyard! Engineer, kids, no humor--doesn't sound like SassyMan material at all!

Labels: Blue Moon, dating, freaky-deaky

Overall, I have been quite successful with using the internet dating sites to meet men. In fact, I would have had only one date in the past year if I did not use that avenue. If you have read my blog for any length of time, you know that from time to time a freak will turn up in the mix. I have been fortunate to have avoided the freaks (not the psychos--and believe me there is a difference). Today, I get an IM from someone I would classify as a freak. I don't know, maybe I am being harsh so you be the judge:

"Hi angel....... how was ur day been,how was the weather treating you, i hope u are in good health... i was pimping on profile and when i saw urs mmmm........... my heart erased and i was totally engrossed on it,u look so superb and irresistible and i said i should write u and know so much abt u,well i am Dick johnson by name whats abt u?i care to know so much abt u,cos when i look at ur profile and ur personality i like every things abt u,i think u are the best out of all the women on yahoo personals online dating site .....Your eyes can make the sun rise, or You are the reason my heart beats, or You look so good, I wish I could grow a whole field of you..... well dont forget my name is Dick. please can u bless me with ur beauty?"

I won't be responding to this guy, because he is just freaky to me! I am the best out of all the millions of women on yahoo? And he wishes he could grow a whole field of me? Let us not even get into the lack of spelling, punctuation, and grammatical skills he displays--which is a big indicator whether I will respond to someone anyway.

I might develop a sideline business though. You see my friends love my personals write up about myself and I have received compliments from others about it. I received an SOS last night from my friend Bea to help her with her new Yahoo personals account. I headed over there and within minutes I had a slamdunk of a profile for her. On one of the sites, she received three hits within minutes of setting up the account and one made a point of complimenting her on her profile. I have the gift of spin doctor--or so my dear lover likes to point out. I think he is afraid it might get used on him one day and I have no way to alleviate his fears! Yes, it could happen, but for now I don't think so...as long as he allows me the freedom to play a little loose & free; as long as he understands that freedom is the ticket to keeping me.

Have a wonderful weekend! I know I am with the birthday (and birthday booty gift I am insisting on receiving)! Did I tell ya'll that my cousin is two days older than me? I just called to wish him a belated-by-a-day birthday wish and he informed me he is eternally 32...the apple doesn't fall far from the tree in my family on my dad's side. We are so much alike it is scary...interesting to see the male version of myself.

Labels: birthday, dating, freaky-deaky, spin doctor