I have been rereading my blog from inception the past couple of days. Life has settled down in many respects. I am not doing the frantic dating merry-go-round. I have some core men I spend time with and am developing friendships with. I like that approach much better than the aimless dating game. Who knows? Maybe one of them will turn into a prince who sticks around (and whom I want to stick around).

It has been a tough year for me on a couple of different fronts. I am at a crossroads of change and I am waiting for the signs to point me in the direction I should go in. One of the changes I am considering is moving to NC. I have always been drawn to NC, but I won't be moving to the area I like the best if I go this route. The move would require some changes and sacrifices I am not sure I am prepared to make, but I would be much closer to my nieces (living with them in fact).

I have a unique opportunity to housesit a beautiful place for someone who is rarely home. That is more appealing and requires only a move down the street. I have to give that consideration because we will be housemates from time to time.

I have some other things I have been thinking about changing, but there is no clear cut answer on what I should do. I sometimes wish life came with a better road map with better picture of what our choices will lead us to. *sigh* I guess that is asking too much, eh? I really shouldn't even think about making life changing decisions right now because tomorrow is the "anniversary" of mom's death and I am always way emotional this time of year. Even though I feel that time has healed the wounds of watching my mother wither away from cancer, even though I don't spend the month of October and part of November in ready tears, it is still a far more emotional time in my year than any other. I don't seem to bounce back as easily from disappointments. I seem to be more easily hurt. I find myself not wanting to be around people so much.

I know I can't wait for 2009. I am ready for a new year with new hopes and aspirations. I am ready for 2008 and all its extreme ups and downs to be gone. I am ready for some calm after the storm. I am ready for new clients, new directions, new dreams. I embrace what has made me strong this year, but I am ready to move past needing to be so strong for so long on my own.

Labels: memories